pilipinoy!

napansin nyo ba, andami nang kanta na may temang "proud to be pinoy"? :)

 

Natutuwa ako sa thought na sa kalagitnaan ng mga kaguluhan, krisis at problema sa gobyerno, nagiging positibo ang reaksyon ng mga Pinoy artists. mga taong may malakas na impluwensya dahil sa kanilang musika. andyan si kitchie! keganda-gandang rocker! ang orange and lemons na kumanta at tumugtog ng theme song ng pinoy big brother (lyricist daw si jonathan manalo), at sino'ng banda na nga ang naglabas nung kantang merong lyrics na "hoy! pinoy ako!..."? si bamboo nga ba? basta. di kasi ako masyadong pamilyar sa mga bagong banda. sensya na. ;)

 

natutuwa ako sapagkat di ako nag-iisa. (kahit nag-iinartist lang. hehe) maraming patuloy na nagmamahal sa Pilipinas. Mga Pinoy na di nawawalan ng pag-asa na balang araw, matututo ang Pilipino na mahalin ang Pilipinas. Oo, maraming mga di nakakatuwang tao, bagay at pangyayari na ang dumaan sa bayan natin. Marami na'ng masaklap na kaganapang hanggang ngayon ay nakatatak pa sa mga utak ng marami. At mahirap magpatawad at lumimot lalo na't naka-ugat na sa puso ang sama ng loob at marahil, puot. Nakakalungkot, pero totoo.

 

***-***-***

 

maraming gabi at panahong nag-iisa ako na idinudulong ko sa Panginoon ang ating bansa. May mga panahon ding, oo, nasisiraan ako ng loob. Lalo na't napapanood ko sa telebisyon ang mga balita. pagtaas ng presyo ng gas, e-vat, ortigas carnapping... at marami-rami pang iba. pati ang justice system at ang buong kapulisan. nakakalungkot na natatabunan ng mga ganitong balita ang mga magagandang nangyayari sa bansa. mas napagtutuunan ng media ang mga balitang lalo lamang umaagaw sa kaunting natitirang pag-asa.

 

madalas kong iniiyak sa Kanya ang ating bansa. sana dumating na ang panahong wala nang naghihirap na mga bata sa kalsada, mga pulubi sa bawat kanto, mga basura sa bawat ilog at estero, mga iskwater sa ilalim ng tulay, mga nakakaranas ng pahirap sa haba ng kanilang buhay. at naniniwala ako'ng di yun imposible. dadarating ang panahong yon. darating yon...

 

***-***-***

 

pangarap ko'ng lumikha ng isang bagay na may halaga. gumawa ng bagay na di malilimutan. magkaron ng impact sa buhay ng iba. I DREAM BIG. pero hanggang ngayon, di ko pa alam kung pano ko yun maaabot. ano'ng paraan, at sa ano'ng larangan. magulo pa sa utak ko, marami pang  gustong gawin, maraming gustong subukan. samantala, patuloy pa rin ang pananalangin, patuloy ang pananaginip, patuloy ang pag-asa, ang paghangad, ang pagtingin sa hinaharap. at paghihimok sa iba na MAHALIN ANG BANSA. sa ganitong paran man lamang, magkaroon ako ng kontribusyon...

 

TARA NA'T SIMULAN ANG PAGBABAGO!

 

***-***-***

 

my kind

02 November 2005

 

Over the long weekend, my family went to my mom's hometown, Candaba (Pampanga). Relatives from Manila, Bulacan, and different parts of the province came. It was like a mini-clan reunion! :)

 

I wasn't really surprised to see lots of nephews and nieces welcoming me, and trying to get my attention. After all, some of them call me "Ninang"! Haha! :) But what surprised me was the possible confirmation of an idea! A theory that explains my present "PAGKATAO". Something that is passed on from generation to generation. My kind of people. A glimpse of how I must have been like as a kid -- my nieces and godchildren: (Hahaha!)

 

One, named Abi, was very maingay! Bibo and well... makwento. :) The moment I arrived, she screamed "Ninaaaaangggg!" Like I was ten kilometers away! My gulay! May tatalo pa pala sa nalulon kong microphone!

 

Another one is named Nian (Her dad's name is Nino and mom's Annie. Kinda cute name, I think). Anyways... my cousins were telling my mom why Nian was able to go to Pampanga with them even if both her parents were not.  The explanation was like this:

 

Nian's Dad: "Nian, di tayo sama sa Pampanga ha. Punta tayo kina Mama."

Nian: "Aba! Dapat kasama ako sa Pampanga! Bahala ka, pag di ako nakasama, hahanapin ako ni Lola Flor. (My mom) Ako pa man din ang pinakamaganda nyang apo!"

 

Ano pa nga ba magagawa ng ama?! Hehehe :) Ewan ko ba, sa batang ito, importanteng maganda sya! Kamag-anak ko talaga 'to! Hehehe :)

 

Buti na lang, di ako nakarinig this time ng any word na nawawalan o nadagdagan ng "H"! I guess the next generation of our family has a future! Hehehe :)

 

Nga pala, Nian always goes home from school with colorful stars stamped on her hand. She tops her class!

 

Ehem, ehem. *wink, wink*

 

Kaylangan pa bang imemorayzhan? :)

 

 

relief

In my distress I called to the Lord and He answered me...

 

- Jonah 2:2 a

grrrr...

you hurt me without even realizing you did.

 

:'(

a lunch time

twas lunch time...

she was listening to upbeat music...

ironically, the songs had no effect.

there was just crying.

 

the songs that used to make her dance were ignored.

the mind that was traveling alone never paid attention.

the senses, for a moment stopped from their tasks.

functions were ignored, probabilities not weighted.

the heart and mind were one. bound for one destination.

will the entire being follow their leading?

will it postpone the inevitable, procrastinate and buy more time?

or will it finally follow and accept that it MUST be done?

 

risks were never her thing.

leaps to the unknown were just imaginings.

this place is her zone. her comfort.

will she finally take the much needed steps?

 

soon she will. soon she will.

 

 

 

 

:(

akala mo ikaw lang.

 

 

 

ako din. :(

bituing walang ningning

ehehehe :) nice ang title noh? reminds you of a song, i know. :) but for me, "bituing walang ningning" means:

 

my world is a lot quieter

nobody goes through my office drawer searching for food

nobody goes through my office drawer searching for the cologne and alcohol

my phone bill is relatively lower coz i don't text much

a relatively longer time of "silence" 

 

pero...

 

wala nang supplier ng vitamin c

wala na kong napagti-tripan mashado, (or nabawasan na)

wala ako mashadong pinapagalitan

walang nangangamusta

nabawasan ang mga tinatawag kong "panget"

nabawasan ang mga taong nakaka-usap ko tungkol sa mga bagay bagay. seryoso man o jologs.

 

at

 

nalulungkot ako. :(

 

pero...

 

KAILANGAN. kaya kinakaya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pito-pitong medyo ako

Seven things that scare me...
1. Amphibians (frogs and the like)
2. Reptiles
3. Not being able to do what God wants me to do
4. Drowning in the pool (not that much anyore)
5. Not being able to fulfill my responsibilities
6. Having to say "If only" again and again...
7. That I'll be apathetic... for life.

Seven things I like the most...
1. Music (ano pa ba?!)
2. mangga at masarap na bagoong
3. maasim na sinigang na pinartneran ng sisig!
4. Movies.
5. Pleasant surprises!
6. Buying beautiful but cheap things
7. Letters, notes, cards written for me

Seven important things in my room...
1. My "toolbox" of kikay things (ehehe)
2. My shelved and unshelved books (la na space eh)
3. Pictures. Lots of them!
4. My bed. It's where I read, write, emote, sleep, think, dream *wink* and plan
5. My envelope of documents, letters, and items with good and bad memories.
6. My journal.
7. My pillows. They help lessen the volume when I scream.

Seven random facts about me...
1. I laugh. A lot.
2. I sing. A lot.
3. Walking, for me is therapeutic. When I walk and think, "brilliant" ideas or realizations come.
4. I cry when I write with my heart.
5. I need maps! [see my previous post]
6. I love doing my laundry (I'm buying a washing machine! Yehey!]
7. When I'm stressed, I clean up or arrange things.

Seven things i plan (or want) to do before i die...
1. Create a work of art: a painting, caricature, (somethin like that) and have it framed.
2. Learn to play a musical instrument, preferably the violin.
3. Fall in love! (Abah, syempre!)
4. Have a family, raise kids, and live happily ever after. Hehehe
5. Learn a foreign language aside from Spanish.
6. Sing or perform in a play.
7. Visit museums, art exhibits, go to Broadway and watch a musicale

Seven things I can do...
1. sing
2. dance
3. act [artista ini!]
4. cook (a little. I'm a "little" kapampangan eh)
5. remember conversations
6. entertain myself
7. bulabugin ang buong opisina? Hehe not to mention terrorize bookstore relievers. Haha!

Seven things I can't do...
1. Sing the Alphabet song backwards. ehehe
2. Live a day without singing.
3. Not talk for a day
4. Dissect a frog
5. Be "mahinhin" for a week. (kahit for one whole day lang ata eh)
6. Remember directions accurately. sad noh?
7. Draw or paint.

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex... (di lang to 7 pramis!)
1. Courage
2. Confidence
3. Cute stubbornness (uhumm)
4. A sense of direction. (not related to geography, but someone who knows where he is going and is doing something to get there]
5. Eyes that speak
6. SMILE that brighten up a day
7. Voice that can silence me.

Seven things I say the most...
1. Waaah! [explained na 'to sa old post ko]
2. Shucks!
3. Ka-asar. [pag-naaasar ako. Talino, dabah?]
4. Hellow?! (with feelings)
5. Shark! (pag nagulat]
6. Pangeeeth!
7. Nyeh! [pag di makapaniwala, or di nag-aagree]

Seven celeb crushes...
1. Alvin Patrimonio [nanginig ako nung first time ko sya ma-meet]
2. Christian Bautista [basta kakanta lang sya at di aarte]
3. Johnny Depp (sa Pirates of the Caribbean]
4. Harrison Ford [watched Indiana Jones series recently eh]
5. Michael Vartan! (Go, ALIAS!]
6. John Mayer (Panandalian lang to, pramis]
7. Tom Welling! [Ako nga si Lana :)]

Seven people I want to take this quiz...
1. Nez
2. Ate Liz
3. Ate Gen
4. Karl
5. Kuya Mackoy
6. Palot!
7. Tropang Kape members na di pa gumagawa nito

the ring

something symbolic happened today. for the first time in many years (i think since highschool), i didn't wear THE RING.

 

the mark is still there, to make me remember the commitment i made. and slowly, gradually, i'm accepting that i'm almost there.

 

happy i am, now that i'm free.

 

but that doesn't mean i won't wear the ring anymore. i will! sayang eh! :)

eto na po yon

i've been talking with my business partner in crime (kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?), without me really thinking about what i'm saying but just kept on talking anyway (as usual), just to relieve myself from the stress of the day(as usual ulit)...  we were discussing how we enjoyed the chika time with your besp, how we enjoyed his company... and as useless, the subject of you popped up.

 

this time, we weren't "okraying" you (akala mo lang lagi ka naming binabalahura, pero sa real life, hindi noh!). we talked about who you are to us, how much we appreciate you, and how we wish everybody will see what we see in you.

 

hay... pero di lahat, pwedeng makita yon. di lahat ma-eexperience kung sino at ano ka. pero kahit di man makita ng lahat yon, mas importante siguro kung makita mo kung sino ka sa paningin namin... matakpan man lang kahit paano ang mga "takot" at insecurities na malimit ay dumadalaw sayo...

 

pasensya na, di namin madalas sabihin... mataas ang tingin namin sayo, di dahil may katangkaran ka pero dahil karespe-respeto ka.

 

at yung tinext ko sayo minsan? seryoso yon. kahit may joke. ehehe :)

 

hay. eto na po yon: nawa ay dumating na "siya. ehehe :D makita "niya", matanggap at ma-appreciate ang ikaw na kakilala namin. pero una sa lahat, nawa ay makapag-move on ka na. haha! :)

a note from Kuya Caloy

The weekend before my birthday [the 19th], I went home to Pampanga and spent time with my family. I went over some old pictures and found a card from KC (Kuya Caloy), dated October 27, 2001, after the last UP-DCF Missions Exposure I was able to join, held in a barangay named Bagong Buhay, in Mindoro. I want to share it with you... I don't think KC will mind. :) Here it goes...

 

Dearest Gladys,

 

   It was nice to have a week of fellowship with you. It's good to know that you'll be working for a few months in UP. At least makikita ka pa rin namin.

 

   Your shedding tears for the people you met who are blinded by the god of this world touched my heart. How I wish that all christians will share the same kind of compassion for those who are lost. It's my prayer that you'll continue to have that kind of attitude towards those who still don't know Christ,

 

   It was nice working with you in the mission field.

 

With love in Christ,

Kuya Caloy

 

P.S. Pag may gusto ka ng sagutin na lumiligaw sayo, pa-interview mo muna sa akin para makilatisan ko.

 

Naiyak ako. I cried not because i'm afraid na walang papasa sa pangingilatis ni Kuya Caloy, but because I miss that aspect of the me that was. It has been DORMANT for quite some time already...='(...  I seem to have forgotten the URGENCY of The MESSAGE the people need to hear. I have neglected my First Love. And it's really, really sad.

traveling alone

One of my greatest dreams since I was a kid is to travel around the world. See all the wonderful things a country has to offer-their rich history, people, art, culture and way of life, architecture-and "experience" them. To experience a place is the best way for me not to forget it. Yes, pictures will help, and of course a video, but nothing beats "the experience".

BUT aside from financial constraints, I have one small problem: Fear. I'm afraid of traveling alone. I don't want to travel alone.

I was never the adventurous, never the excited one in trying something new. I feared the possibility of doing something wrong, of being lost, of being unsure. I don't want to do the traveling alone.

I have observed that for me to be confident in going somewhere (read not to be PRANING along the way):
1. I must have gone to that place at least twice.

2. I must have a very reliable map (detailed with landmarks and instructions about the right transportation plus fare) and have asked a minimum of three people re the correctness of the map and my understanding of the instructions.

3. I must not be alone.
Please note that the constraints above are not mutually exclusive (independent), more often than not, they intersect in the Venn Diagram. :)

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I realize I can't avoid traveling alone. There will always be errands that I must accomplish, responsibilities I must face, choices I need to make, opportunities I must take, and journeys I have to undertake, alone. I might not be able to encounter them the same way twice… most probably, there won't be accurate maps to help me, and only a few dependable gurus to show me the way. But what's comforting is the fact that DEFINITELY, I WON'T BE ALONE IN THE JOURNEY.

missing galore

it's funny how i miss lots of people these days. kakaiba!

i usually take the mrt every morning and i always see those laser stickers along the bangketa. barbie, walt disney princesses, pooh, etc. lagi kong gustong bumili. bumili para kay shang shang. :) miss ko na ang batang ito. :)
two days ago, her dad asked me to write something for her, to encourage and inspire her. so i decorated a card with stickers of pooh, piglet and eeyore, and wrote her a relatively short message. kayang kaya na nyang magbasa. abah! first honor ata sya! :) naalala ko tuloy nung ako yung grade one. abah! first honor din ata 'to! hehe :) natuwa nga ako nung magkwento si kuya romel ng reaksyon ni shang shang, kung ano sinabi nya... at syempre, natuwa naman ako. :) nagustuhan din nya yung laser stickers ng mga disney princesses na binigay ko. :)

kahapon din, habang naka-earphones at tumutugtog ang "liman-dipang tao" ng san miguel master chorale and philharmonic orchestra, nabasa ko ang isang email galing kay pamm nung january pa. di ko alam kung bakit, napa-iyak talaga ako. yung tipong "ang sakit sa damdamin" na iyak?! tuloy tuloy at mahirap pigilan. mabuti na lang walang halong paghikbi, dahil malamang, mapapansin yun ni bijoi! at medyo dyahe. hehe ;) so i sent her an sms, telling her na i miss her and love her, and wish that she's fine... after a few minutes, nag-reply sya. her letter daw last january was supposed to be funny! miss nya na din daw ako and she's worried with the news na naririnig nya about the philippines... hay, palot! bumisita ka na sa pilipinas! antagal mo na sa indonesia! kami naman ang i-bless mo with your presence. :)

last week naman, habang nagkwe-kwentuhan kami sa bahay ni nez, bigla kong naisip kung ano na nangyayari kay te liezl. kami kasi ni nez, maraming pinagdaanan at na-experience these past months. malamang, marami na ding nangyayari kay te liz! at ayun, nung nag-email ako sa kanya ng konting kwento at plans (weeeehh, secret kung ano.hehe), nagkwento sya ng mga pangyayari sa buhay nya. waaaah! stressful ang buhay! pero atleast, makulot man ang buhok nya sa stress, nasa US naman sya! tayo naman dito sa pilipinas, dahil nasa pilipinas, ay nas-stress din dahil sa mga nangyayari sa government! hay, buhay nga naman. ate! kung sa december ka pa babalik, di kaya may bago nang presidente nun? or bagong pilipinas? or bagong taon? hehe :D

bakit kaya ganon? pag malayo na yung mga taong malapit sa puso mo dun mo lang sila namimiss? pwede bang mamiss ang mga taong andyan lang? hmmmm... sabi nga ni te shawi: "sa globe, posible." hehe :) pumapasok tuloy sa utak ko na minsan naman, mawala at di magpakita. para mamiss nyo naman ako! haha! :D hmmm... ;)


P.S. sabi ni bijoi di ko na kailangang lumayo or mawala para ma-miss ako ng tao. MANAHIMIK lang daw ako, ok na! haha! :D

randomly sensible [i hope!]

i want to write something about an interesting journey i've been to lately. i want to let the whole world know of what's going on but i can't seem to gather my thoughts just yet. still sifting through what's bloggable or not, can't let myself give in to telling ALL the details. there must be something left for me... and me alone. can't share them all... this has to wait.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

so what do i do? what do i write and share with you?

well... i 've been sad. sad because i saw myself going back to my “stat days”. days when i was apathetic to events around me. days when i didn’t care about anything the world thinks is “important”. days when I was Apathetic and selfish.

days after the news about the GloriaGate cds, I found myself alone and crying. I cried to the Lord for my country. why are all these things happening? Love for country must not be the “in thing” right now. selfish motives and political agendas have been prevalent to many of our leaders in the government. I saw hopelessness, the devaluation of the peso, the distrust of the mass, the difficulty of living in this world, our temporary dwelling place. and I saw no one, absolutely no one, can make the situation better. surely only the divine hands of my God can heal the cancer of the Philippines.

Lord, heal our land. Father, heal our land. Hear our cry and turn our nation back to You.
Lord, heal our land. Father, heal our land. Forgive our sins and heal our broken land.

Every time this song comes to my mind, it Kindles in me a Sense of patriotism, and hopefulness. Somehow, it comforts me. Because I know that my Father is in control and He knows exactly what He is doing.

We must all come together and pray.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

hay. sad ba ang mood? :) happy naman!

I’ll be another year older on the 19th. I’m sure happy kayo! Not just because you know me, but also because it’s another proof of God’s faithfulness and goodness. :)

Wishes, wishes, wishes… Hmm… the list will be long. [ehehe] Twill be another post. But for now, I sincerely wish and pray for PEACE.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

si karl

si karl.

housemate ko.

si karl,

musikerong talentado.

si karl.

makapal ang mukha.

si karl,

at si ricky reyes, iisa.

a-hahaha! :)

si karl nga. tama. :p

family picture

seated: ningning, eson, bijoi, me! standing: k.jojo, te amy, k.romel

twas an attempt to be an artista ;)

taken at PowerBooks, Greenbelt 4; launch of Dr. Harold Sala's books

a bit late to post, but who cares? :) i like this pic. :)

artista

artista - [noun] isang taong binabayaran upang umarte at sundin ang direktor. isang propesyon. maari din itong gamitin sa isang tao na nagsusumikap mag-"project" ng isang persona na iba sa kanya, sa isang particular na panahon.

 

--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--

 

di lingid sa kaalaman natin na pangarap ng maraming pilipino ang maging artista. pruweba na dito ang pagsulpot ng sandamakmak na artista search, singing contests, dance contests, sing-and-dance contests, at lahat na ng kagimikang pwedeng maisip ng creative minds ng mga tao sa likod ng telebisyon, radyo, at iba pang forms ng multi-media.

 

bakit nga naman hindi? pag artista ka, sikat ka. at madaling yumaman! kaya mong i-earn sa mas maikling panahon ang di mo kayang kitain sa isang taon bilang isang empleyado lamang sa kung saan. aaaahhh. the lure of money and fame. pero di ibig sabihin nito na madali ang trabaho. matinding puyatan at hardwork ang kailangan. magastos pa lalo kung di ka gifted sa linya ng "kagandahan o kagwapuhan" ayon sa standards ng mundo dahil kakailanganin ang frequent, not to mention painful, visits kay doktora vicky or sa mga calayan. :) vanity is the name of the game. and their end goal is to please the people, their audience, listeners, sponsors, etc. at mag-invoke ng necessary emotion. well, trabaho nila yun.

 

di rin lingid sa kaalaman natin, [marahil napapansin din nyo sa sarili nyo] na madalas nagiging artista tayo sa harap ng iba. we tend to project a different persona. lalong lalo na pag ayaw nating malaman ng iba kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman o naiisip natin. pag malungkot, masaya ang "front" natin. pag galit naman, mga ngiti at mababaw na halakhak. ewan ko ba, kahit ilang beses na nating narinig ang mga katagang "magpakatotoo ka", bumabalik at bumabalik pa rin tayo sa pagiging artista!

 

di ko alam kung nakakabuti o nakakasama para sa atin ang pagiging artista. minsan siguro oo, minsan naman hinde. depende sa sitwasyon. pero eto lang, di kaya ito isang form ng kasinungalingan?

 

inaamin ko na maraming pagkakataon, naging artista ako. maraming beses na sinadya man o hindi ay nalinlang ang iba, maging ang sarili. may mga dahilan, valid man o hindi, pero madalas ay para sa sariling ikabubuti. pero di ko naisip noon na maaaring sa pag-aartistang ito, may masasaktan ako: mga taong kilala na ang halos buong pagkatao ko. alam na kung paano ang takbo ng utak ko, at sa bawat galaw o mukha ay alam na kung may mabigat na dinadala o pino-problema. sa bawat pagbabalat-kayo, pagtatago sa likod ng isa pang mukha, pagsusuot ng maskara, maaaring may nasasaktan ka. nasasaktan sila dahil kilala ka nila.

 

alam ko kung paano yon. dahil minsan, nasaktan din ako. at sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayoko nang maging artista. well, susubukan ko... para sa kapakanan ng mundo. ;)

 

--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--

a day in my life

14 june 2005

 

it never ceased to amaze me how God, in His unfathomable creativity turns lots of unpleasant things in life into things great and wonderful. He always does something to make my day BEAUTIFUL. always does something to make my daily qualms a launch pad of good things. they make me discover the "concealed" delights in life.

 

this morning, i woke up not wanting to get up. i was aching all over due to the heroic acts (read doing some laundry and cleaning the house bathroom) done the previous day (supposedly a NON-WORKING Holiday! uhummm..,)

 

the jeepney ride was ok but what irritated me was the driver. he did not give me my change! [ok, ok, 50 cents lang yon pero kahit na! plus, mahirap maningil sa nagbibingi-bingihang driver! grrrr...] got off at Philcoa and felt like the whole world is there waiting for the same jeepney i'm waiting for, under the heat of the sun!  i was so sure that it won't be a good day. so unfair!

 

i arrived just in time for our company devotions. and i enjoyed the bible study time! the exchange of thoughts and ideas was a treat. learned lots and realized many things. and oh by the way, the topic was God's Fairness. ;) just when i thought everything that's happening was just unfair [parang inapi, di ba?], God humorously rebuked me.

 

twas gracie's birthday nga pala! and hinarana namin sya nina bijoi, kyaleks at kuya butch. i guess she was touched naman. nag-blush for life ang lola ko! ehehe :) iba talaga ang effect ng harana! [lalo na pag maraming audience ehehe] :) babby birthday, bracie! hihihi :D

 

i read my emails and found one from a client in Malaysia. His message was a positive response to my offer... ;) we had a few more email exchanges and his replies were just sooooo encouraging! felt like my day suddenly turned a hundred eighty degrees. was smiling the rest of the day. :)

 

i wonder... what "surprises" kaya are waiting for me tomorrow?  exciting! :) hmmm... lots of things to look forward to. :)

 

 

 

 

close kami!

naaalala ko si arvin [kapangalan ng kapatid ko]. miss ko na ang batang 'to. ang aking "li'l bro" na mega-bow ako. the sweet brother i wish i had... my description of "the man" kahit nung younger pa sya! ;)


kababata ko sya. kalaro, kakampi, kaaway [naka-away ko nga ba sya nung bata?], kaibigan, kapatid. kasama ko rin sya sa children's choir nun at di ko makakalimutan ang pagkanta nya ng "Go, tell it on the mountains" sa isang cantata namin. haha! sya lang ang pwedeng kumanta nun ng sobrang lalim ng boses! ;) at di ko pwedeng makalimutan: kahit pa nung grade school pa lang, gentleman na sya -- one thing na na-appreciate naming mga girls noon, mga "ate" nya at hindi. matalino din sya at may sense kausap. :)


so what do i miss about my li'l bro? ;) hmmm... yung boses nyang malalim lalo na pag tumatawa. Bass na bass [nakatulong kaya yung wala na syang tonsils? i wonder...] , yung series of updates nya sa mga nangyayari sa buhay nya! masarap syang kausap lalo na sa mga seryosong bagay kahit ano'ng oras ng araw. sensitive ang batang ito [ooops! di na nga pala sya bata]. ;) hmmm... yung mga eyes nyang expressive. kitang kita sa mata nya pag masaya sya or malungkot. mukhang kuya daw sya ng kuya nya, pero for me, dahil lang yun sa mas maaga syang nag-mature [in most aspects] kesa sa kuya nya [elow, jay-ar! hehe]


bago kami naging dormmates sa Molave Residence Hall, nung maging sophomore sya sa college, binisita nya ko. di ko inexpect na after around 5 or 6 years nang di pagkikita [at walang communication], magiging close parin kami. sabay naming binalikan ang mga nangyari nung kids pa talaga kami. ang saya!


di ko alam kung pano yun nangyari, pero nakuha ko yung mobile number nya before kami nag-meet sa UP. so as usual, niloko ko sya sa text *grin*. pero di ako nagwagi! sabi nya sakin, parang naririnig daw nya ko habang binabasa nya yung mga messages ko sa cellphone nya. akong ako daw yon! di maikakaila! [oh well, mula nun di na ko confident manloko sa text, ehehe]


ang galing di ba? di man nya alam number ko, kahit matagal na kaming si nagkikita, alam nyang ako yon. close kami! ;)


now i understand why a certain face and a certain voice came to my mind when i've read of "you"... yun yon eh.

PN 070605

 

No man can for any considerable time wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.

 

Nathaniel Hawthorne

PN 010605

"When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them"

 

Zig Ziglar

mangga at bagoong

nakakatawang isipin na para sa kin, ang mangga at bagoong ang tambalang walang kapantay. asim ng mangga, tamis at anghang ng bagoong. da best!

nakakalungkot lang, seasonal ang mangga. tuwing summer, dun sila bongga! buti pa'ng bagoong, walang pinipiling panahon... pero teka, ibig sabihin ba non, tuwing summer lang ako masaya? ibig sabihin ba no'n tuwing summer lang masaya ang aking panlasa?

iniisip ko pa lang, natatakam na ko! pero unti unting nalulungkot...

nalulungkot dahil heto na ang tag-ulan, naghuhudyat ng papalapit na katapusan ng maliligayang araw. mga araw na ineenjoy talaga ang asim ng mangga, ang lutong ng bawat kagat, ang pagguhit ng asim sa lalamunan, at di mapigilang pagpikit ng mata sa bawat pagkakataong nalalasahan ang sarap ng mangga.

heto na ang tag-ulan, dulot sa ki'y kalungkutan. naghuhudyat ng mga inaasahang baha, pagkabasa, at pagdaloy ng luha.

tulad sa buhay ko, ngayon ay tag-ulan. asim ng mangga, di na maramdaman. sarap ng bagoong, unti unti nang nalilimutan.

pinipigilan ang baha, pagkabasa, at pagdaloy ng luha. mga instrumentong gawa sa tawa at sigla, di pala mabisa. sapagkat mahirap linlangin ang sarili.

panahon na nga ng tag-ulan.

a grand dream

had a really great time today [Saturday]. went to laguna with officemates. magaling silang gumawa ng rason para gumimik eh! went to the wake of k.jun's mom sa lucena last friday night, then saturday early morning, went to a resort in laguna (sa liliw ba talaga yun, ning?)

there were four swimming pools: 2 for kids, 2 for adults acting like kids. ehehe ;) the water was MALAMIG *with panginginig ng boses*, but im proud to say that i was able to enjoy the water, and swim! [yes, thank you, nakakalangoy na ko ng konti *clap, clap*] na-try ko din yung mga slides sa pool ng kids. ;) pramis, enjoy yun! [di ba, gracie?]

masarap din ang pagkain. sarap talagang maging ama si paparon! :D naranasan ko ding kumain sa dahon ng saging, yung tipong nakikipag-agawan ka ng pagkain?! ang saya talaga! at take note, kasama sa agawan si RAR [THE CEO], at si FGS [ang aming direk]. Grabeng bonding ito! ;)

but more than these things, one realization made my day. i won't keep you in the dark, don't worry, ;)

i realized that nez and i share one dream. we want to be MOTHERS [shempre, in da future, jahe sa fans kung now na, dabah?]

since i was in grade school, enjoy ko na talagang mag-alaga ng mga babies. cute kasi nila eh, and precious talaga. ilang neighbors na namin dati ang natulungan ko sa pag-aalaga ng mga anak nila. at ang pinakagusto kong gawin ay patulugin yung baby sa arms ko while singing "sleep my darling baby" [yun lang lyrics nya, iba iba lang ang tono hehe]. pero naisip ko nun, dahil lang cute sila kaya ko sila gustong alagaan, pero once na mag-pupu na and all, balik na sa magulang!

ganun pa rin naman ngayon. haha! [pero i have a feeling na pag akin na yung nag-pupu, i'd be more than willing na linisan sya. :)]

pero ano'ng konek nito sa gimik namin? well, kasama kasi namin si shang shang [Grace Roscia], ang bibo at kikay na anak ni kuya rommel. malambing ang batang ito, grabe! and yes, aminado ako'ng marami kaming pagkakapareho nung bata pa ko: madaldal, mahilig magkwento, kikay, bibo, matalino, maganda, [walang aangal!], etc, etc. in short, artistahin! hehe :)

katabi ko sya sa sasakyan ni direk, nakatulog syang nakahiga sakin nung naghihintay kami sa parking ng airport while waiting for the arrival of direk's plane. at kahit nangangawit ako, ok lang. yung tipong ayaw mong gumalaw para di maistorbo ang tulog nya? yung tipong papaypayan mo para masarap tulog nya kahit di ka makatulog? syaks! gusto kong maging nanay!

naalala ko tuloy mommy ko. madaming beses ko na yung naaway sa tanang buhay ko [yung isang beses, dahil sa kasibaan ko sa fruit salad! hehe] pero di ko nun naisip kung anu-anong sacrifices ang maaaring ginawa nya for me, at kung ano ang pinagdaanan nya para mabuhay ako. *sniff, sniff* at kahit di nya madalas sabihin, ramdam at alam kong mahal nya ko.

tapos na pala mothers' day noh? late tong post ko ah! hehe

na-enjoy ko ang pagiging "nanay" kay shang shang. dati kasi "yaya" lang ako ni rein ni kuya onnie. o di ba, nanay na ko ngayon?! promoted! ;)

haaay... someday, if the Lord wills it, i'm gonna be a mom. and i know i'll enjoy it kahit maging katulad ko pa ang anak ko. maraming problemang dadalhin, heartaches maybe, sakit ng ulo, oo. it won't be easy, i know! but i won't be alone. :) may Katulong ako every step of the way. ;)

alone with you

alone with you, no need to hide bringing my wants and leaving my pride alone with you, broken by sin needing your grace and empty again alone with you, you speak my name drying my tears and taking my shame alone with you, your healing starts your hand of peace on my head and heart and now your light is revealing the places that your love is healing alone with you, you make it clear your love for me will always be here when i draw near to seek after your heart C. Cloninger, My Utmost for His Highest Musical

missing the turk, missing palot

early this morning, with a mug-full of coffee, i heard myself talking to ME. "haaay, miss ko na si te liezl [the w(a)nderer]. chaka si pammie." :'(

asan si powermark pag kailangan mo sya?! hehe

ganun pala noh? kahit merong communication, alam mo ang nangyayari sa buhay-buhay ng bawat isa, alam mo kung ano'ng pinagkaka-busy-han nila,posible pa rin palang mamiss mo pa rin sila. ng todo.
iba pa rin talaga ang face-to-face conversations. yung tipong nakikita mo yung twinkle ng mata nila, yung giggles and smiles (oo, pammie, kahit walang dimples), yung galaw na sila lang ang nakakagawa, yung hagalpak na walang pakialam sa mundo, yung hiritan na walang hiyaan, kantahang deadma sa paligid [kasama na dun ang boom shi, boom shi, boom boom, boom, teliz!], kwentuhang
inaabot ng umaga, buhusan ng sama ng loob, hingahan ng frustrations, iyakan ng hinanakit at syempre, heartaches, ;)

di ko lam kung bakit ko sila biglang na-miss. ang alam ko lang, maiintindihan nila ako. sa mga tawa, iyak, sigaw, malalim na hininga, pati pananahimik [uh, nangyayari ba yon sakin? hehe].

they are like my kith and kin. pamilya at kapatid na nanggaling sa ibang mga magulang.

waaah! ate liz! dapat talaga andito ka na eh. miss ka na namin ni nez. kelan ka ba uuwi?! malapit na naming maubos sa isa't isa ang mga kwento. hehe :) alam mo bang may bago na kong song na pambulahaw ng room? chaka may mga ka-dramahan na naman kami? chaka madami pang iba?!

pammie! kelan ka ba babalik?! naaalala kita lagi dati pag napapanuod ko ang full house! pareho kayong sumayaw ni jessie! ehehe ;) chaka, gusto na kitang makita, chaka makausap, chaka malaman kung ano ng bago sa buhay mo, chaka makasabay kumain ng pagkaing nagsi-swimming sa sabaw, imbentong ulam, atchaka madami pang iba.

waaah! naiinis tuloy ako sa inyo. ang sasama nyo. naiiyak tuloy ako ngayon. :'( sana dumating na yung panahong babalik na kayo. sana dumating na yon. sana.

PN [personal note] 240505

There is more God has for us during a season of singleness than just learning the art of misery and impatience.

Lisa Velthouse, Saving My First Kiss

takot

a friend asked me "bakit ka takot?". i replied with "takot saan?". yun. maraming bagay...

sa palaka. kailangan pa bang imemorize yan? nakakatakot naman talaga sila eh! sabi kasi sakin meron daw palaka na dumidikit sayo... at mahirap matanggal. ayun. di kinaya ng imagination ko. hehe ;)

babaw nito. yoko na tuloy ituloy. ayokong isipin ang mga takot ko. madami eh chaka baka pag tinuloy ko pa, mapahamak ko sarili ko! ehehe ;)

nek tayms na lang. pag kaya ko na. hehe :D meantym, try ko nang matulog.

ilusyon?

“waaaah! kasalanan ‘to lahat ni gracie!” was the first line in my monologue early this Friday morning as I sat on my swivel chair. Bakit ba naman di ko yun sasabihin eh sya ang nagpahiram sakin ng isa na namang novel ni Lori Wick!

Waaaah!

it all started with Ukay Bookay [ang pinakamalaking SALE sa OMFLit bookstore tuwing June]. I was able to buy Lori Wick's Kensington Chronicles [4 books] sa napakababang presyo! di ko na sasabihin kung magkano para di kayo mainggit. pero pramis, best buy yun!

i spent long hours reading each novel. book 1 till the fourth, walang palya! ang galing galing kasi nyang magsulat! kuha ang bawat emosyon, at mapipicture mo talaga kung ano ang nangyayari sa istorya. you will find yourself moving with the characters, living in the eighteen hundreds… loving and admiring the “bidas”, and hoping someday, somehow you will meet someone like, in my case, THE GUY. bakit naman kasi sa mga nobela, ang gagaling ng mga bidang lalake! well, may mga flaws din naman sila pero kahit anong mangyari,lumulutang talaga yung mga positive traits nila, even yung mga ginagawa nilang efforts that make the ladies feel protected and secure. hay, buhay! pero ang maganda dito, may mga lessons na matututunan... mga principles about the matters of the heart na di tinuturo sa paaralan, teachings na galing sa Bible. mga basics, non-negotiables, na minsan di natin nabibigyan ng halaga or deliberately ini-ignore natin.

later in the evening while having dinner at Galleria, we, my besti and i, realized that in one way or another the love-story novels we've read in college made us picture the "ideal man". he must be so and so, he must be blah, blah, blah. ayun, characters sila sa nobela! fiction o drawing sa totoong buhay at tila di na ata nag-eexist at ilusyon na lang!

medyo di kami natuwa. hehe ;)

naalala ko tuloy, ningning [ang masiba sa kanin] and kuya ed warned me against the negative effects of reading lovestory novels. dahil nga we have the tendency to compare the real-life guys with the fictitious knights-in-shining-armor. [eh sa totoo namang wala na talagang ganung lalake sa mundo eh! hmmm... ay! meron pa nga pala! pero taken na sila! bwahaha!] at dahil inaaway ko sila pag di sila "perfect" tulad ni Cash sa City Girl or ni ___ sa ____. hehe ;) not to mention the fact na masarap silang asarin. hehe ;)

i have to admit na may point sila. unfair namang i-expect na maging sila yung mga charaters sa nobela. "bakit di kayo ganito, bakit di kayo ganon..." parang natatabunan tuloy ang magagandang characteristics nila... mambobola na ba ako? hehe ;) si kuya ed, mega-responsable yan. priority talaga ang pamilya. si ningning naman, well, inosente daw. ayun. yun lang. bwahaha! kidding aside, thoughtful at always ready to help sa abot ng makakaya.

yeah, may effect naman talaga sa minds natin yung mga binabasa natin eh. kaya dapat careful tayo. pulutin ang dapat pulutin... Read good Christian literature ;)

natanggap ko na naman yung katotohanan eh. nagising na sa ilusyon. kung sino man ang naka-laan, meron man o wala, naniniwala akong yung da best NYA pa rin ang mangyayari sa nobela ng buhay ko. HE has given me life, and I will enjoy it to the full.

when you start to realize that these guys around you are works in progress, and that God is working in their lives, molding them, you'll see that they are also THE GUYS in their own novels. yun nga lang, di sila ang bida kundi yung AUTHOR ng buhay nila.

pero bakit ko sinisisi si gracie? wala lang. hehe =) nagsimula na naman kasi akong mang-asar... *grin* buti na lang naka-leave si kyaleks kanina. naaway ko na naman siguro sya kung nagkataon. hehehe =) peace! ;)

keka ku, kaku ka (sa filipino)

di ko hiningi, binigay mo lahat ng nasa akin, dahil sayo walang anumang maitatago sayo ang lahat ng bagay nalalaman mo. tanging ikaw lang ang may kalooban, may kakayanan, at puno ng kabutihan maraming bagay ang di ko maintindihan ngunit naniniwalang mayro’n kang dahilan. ngayong araw na puno ng kabalisahan, walang kayang lapitan kundi ang ‘yong harapan pusong tumatangis, bigyang kapayapaan at sa bawat oras wag mo sanang iiwanan.

keka ku, kaku ka

eku inyawad, binie mu
sablang atyu kaku uli mu
alang bageng asalikut kareng mata mu
eganaganang bage balu mu.

ika mu kabud ing ating kapagnasan,
ating sikanan, at mitmung kayapan
dakal a bage ing eku ayntindyan
dapot maniwala kung atin kang parasan.

ngeni keng aldong mitmung kabalisan,
alang agyung lapitan nune ing kekang arapan
pusung manangis dinang kapayapan
at balang oras emu sana lalakwan.

i'm bad ='(

another windang day, another friday.

was moody, was bad.

was silent, then not.

now feelin bad, feelin low,

please bear with me,

i'm terribly sorry.

i don't want to write about Banaue

this is a bit late to story-tell about our staff retreat last april. all my blogger friends told you about how wonderful, how great,how exciting the retreat to Banaue has been. i don't want to write about that. alam nyo na yun eh. alam nyo na nangyari, pati kung saan kami pumunta. The PTA can already handle the promotions for Banaue at Sagada so i'll leave that to them na lang. hehe ;)

so what is this post about you wonder... well...

i want to let you in on some of my thoughts, experiences, things that i discovered about some things, or plainly the things i can allow myself to tell you about... ok ba yon? sabagay, la naman kayong magagawa. Blog ko to eh! ;) so here we go...

my bus momment. during the trip, lingid sa kaalaman ng iba, nag-momment ako. nag-emong. i was listening to this song by Cece Winans, Alabaster Box. ayoko sanang isama yun sa playlist, pero si Kyaleks [the tap dancer] ay makulit. kailangan ko daw matutunan yung song na to. Oh well... bow naman ako sa taste nya sa music chaka kanya naman yung memstick so ayun na nga po ang nangyari. Naiyak ako sa song, nabalikan ang mga eksena sa The Passion, at nainternalize ng husto ang lyrics. waaaaah! makanta ko nawa ang song na yon kahit once in my lifetime. ;)

my mountains. malapit na kami sa Banaue when i saw these mountains. shucks. may i, even for just a second claim them as mine? they are just soooo awesome! ang ganda, mga friends! taob ang "astig, panis, halimaw!" ni daph [the silent-not]. how great Thou art talaga ang song nito at ito ang epitome ng "this is my Father's world"! nanliit ako, kapatid. and i felt like "the God who created these mountains, cares for me so He created these mountains" He wants me to "experience" His greatness, His power, His beauty. I realized that indeed, God is great, and He created in me something beautiful. I am beautiful!!! (no matter what they say, words can't bring me down... hehehe)

my "try ko lang" experience. "there's no harm in trying" was never my motto in life. i take risks with a near-zero probability. minimum level of frequency. i dunno what happened, but suddenly, i wanted to try something new, something different, conquer myself kind of thing. so what's more peculiar than me doing an interpretative dance?! (uh, me being silent?) yeah, i dance... but i do streetdance! not the girlish, gracefully slow movements and turns. so i surprised myself by agreeing to join Misyel, an officemate who dances really well, but who's shy to dance alone... so with the song Man After Your Own Heart, sung by Kyaleks and Daph, we danced during the worship service. And i sung while dancin. I had mistakes with the steps choreographed by Misyel, but i didn't care! dancin for the Lord is wonderfully and joyfully great. This is another thing I'd like to do again. i enjoyed every moment, every step, every turn. I hope to dance. Again.

my "conquer yourself" experience. this is the four-hour trek to and fro Batad and Tapia falls experience. i enjoy walking, but man! walking through mountains was not my idea of a walk! hirap nun ah at nakakapagod! patience-extending experience ito mga kapatid! but the sight and the feel of the Tapia falls is worth all the pawis and taba that came out of me. isipin mo ba namang may malamig na tubig kang dadatnan pagkatapos ng isang napaka-init na lakad? haaaay. ;) napigilan ko naman ang sarili ko na umangal ng dahil sa init at pagod, sa halip ay i-appreciate and ganda ng bundok, ang huni ng ibon at kulisap, ang tunog ng tubig, ang ka-simplehan ng pamumuhay, at ang sarap ng pagiging buhay! I will survive, I will survive! hey-hey! ;)

my "conquer your fear" experience. tatalakan ko ang sarili ko ng more than two years if i didn't join the spelunking inside the cave in Sagada. that was the first time i was able to go inside a cave at ni sa hinagap ay di ko na-picture ang kagandahan sa loob ng isang kweba! feeling ko kasi dati, may mga nakatirang ermitanyo sa loob ng mga ganon. or something creepy. but because i felt that this is a once in a lifetime experience, i had to go! and i did. ;) i started to go in confidently. "kaya ko ang mga bato, kahit gano ka-laki" sabi ko sa sarili ko. pero ibang usapan na pag ang mga bato ay nasa tubig na malamig (not to mention na may parts na medyo malalim!). Salamat sa Diyos, andun si Kuya Audie to help me out, at mga friends who cheered for me during the "kahit-anong-mangyari-wag-bibitawan-ang-rope" moments. paglabas ng cave, i called out to Kuya Audie saying "Thanks, fatha" hehe may isa na naman akong ama ;) sa totoong buhay, nanginig ako at medyo nagpanic, pero feeling ko ngayon, may tapang palang nakatago sa akin dati kahit konti, not the war-freak tapang, but the kind of courage that faces fears. i'm excited to discover new things that the Lord will reveal in my life soon. Iba talaga ang creativity ni God! ;)

my "cry to the max prayer" experience with friends. on our travel back from Sagada to Banaue Hotel, nasiraan ang last na sasakyan. Sakay nito ay mga officemates namin from Cebu, with two kids, sisters ate ritchie and des, and kuya jojo and his daughter na roommie namin ni Bijoi [the engkantada]. We arrived safely sa hotel and we can't help but think of the last team's situation. We needed to lift our worries and cares to the Lord. So in our room, Gracie [aka Darnini], Daph, Bijoi, and I, lifted the situation to the Lord. We prayed and cried out to the Lord, for small miracles, for their safety and comfort, for wisdom to understand why He allowed things to happen, for His mercy, for His grace. Grabe ito! Medyo maga pa mga mata namin nung mag-dinner kami. I thank God for friends like them, friends who have compassion, friends who I know will also pray for me
and be with me in my time of need.

uhhmmmm... napahaba na ata to mashado. madami pa kong pwedeng i-share: my showbiz intriga moment, more personal stuff, but I guess these things are better left "un-talked about". baka ma-"astig, panis, halimaw" ako dito eh! ahihi. ;)

so ayun na nga.

this is not about the mountains, the Banaue Rice Terraces, the Sagada Cave, the trek nor the whole retreat experience, not even about me. This is about my God, Creator of all things bright and beautiful, the Source of all things wonderful, the Author of my life. THANK YOU LORD! ;)

corny

After more than a month of not being able to go home, I went home to Pampanga today. =)

The dogs did not bark at me, I guess they still remember me, but my mom mentioned something like "Sabi ng dad mo, natatandaan pa kaya niya itsura mo..." Oh well... Miss na nila ko, yihee. Hehehe =) When my dad arrived home sabi nya "How are you? (in a tone na sha lang ang nakakagawa) Tingnan nga kita kung ganun pa rin pagkakakilala ko sayo." I smiled with my beautiful eyes. Pa-cute! hehe =)

Di kami expressive sa family. We don't usually say "I miss you, I love you" or the likes. Di kami sweet, tulad ng ibang families. (Hello, Nez!) We have our own ways-yung di mashadong corny sa pandinig namin... BUT when suddenly you receive a text message from dad saying "Enjoy, have fun, ingat, love you.", I'll go "aaaarrggghh!" (with a weird shoulder movement) and smile then reply "thanks, ingatz, c yah, love you too." then smile again. There are things that I thank technology for talaga. ;)

Dahil sa text, natuto kaming maging "corny" and expressive (ng konti). And corny or not, ok lang. ;)

Thank God some things change. =)

REHAB... again?

I hope you still remember my friend who asked me write about his rehabilitation... Well, he needs to do another rehab. From another "friend". This time however, I'm not sure if he's really into it. Haha! Oh well... Anong book naman kaya ang babasahin nya ngayon? ;)

tanong

if you were given the chance to ask me just one question, what would that be?

come on ask me. ;)

REHAB

Rehabilitation – The act of suppressing one’s self from an addiction.
Example: Uy, pare! Musta na rehabilitation mo? (Wow, helpful ang sentence! Hehehe)

I was “asked” (read forced) by a friend to blog about his rehabilitation program. His addiction? Well, nothing serious. He is just “mildly” addicted to a “friend”. He’s texting this “friend”, thinking about this “friend”, emailing this “friend”, chatting with this “friend” and doing all means possible (hmm, a bit exaggerated ata, but you get the point, right?) of contacting this, well, again, “friend”. (Oh, my! This sure is fun! Wehehe!)

Would it be rude to drop my friend’s name, knowing that he visits this blogsite often? Would it be “unfriendly” to tell you the name of the so-called “friend” he is “addicted” to?

(sigh)

Such power! Hahaha =) Pilitin nyo ko, sasabihin ko! Hehehe =)

Controlling yourself from doing something you really, really wanna do is really, really hard. It takes mega-efforts to undo what habits you already formed in your system. I can only imagine how hard it is for him now… rehabilitating… But why in the world is he undergoing this “rehab”? Ok, I’ll tell you… (This is the part where you will hear the noticeably loud “halakhak”)

It all began with an introduction by a common friend… Then some occasional unplanned meetings, polite invitations, and…Wait! I might not be able to control myself! Baka masabi ko na taga-ganitong church yung girl, na ka-age nya, nagwo-work sa --- hehehe =) panic na sya at this point in time, so in order to make sure that I’ll be able to attend our retreat in Banaue and Sagada this weekend, I’ll keep the details to myself muna. *blink blink*

Anyways, bakit nga ba nya kailangang mag-rehab? Well, it’s because he wants to, and because he HAS to. He has to focus on what at this point in time is most important and urgent. Ayusin muna ang sariling buhay bago guluhin ang buhay ng iba, dabah? Hehehe :) And he wants to do things one step at a time, parang staircase yan eh, dabah? :)

I think that is something admirable about him. (Abah! Nagbabasa na sya ngayon ng books namin! Dapat lang unti-unti syang matuto! Hehehe) He knows na how to discipline himself, and somehow be accountable for how he feels and what the “friend” thinks and feels at the same time. Responsible citizenship? Hehehe =)

Siguro lang, I’m just happy to see him enjoying his life, doing the things he is passionate about, and well, reading our books! :) kaya kung asan ka man ngayon, know this: kahit paano, proud ako sayo. ;)

Nezzie

Today is my bestfriend Nez's birthday. It is a very special day because some years ago (secret kung ilan!) the Lord blessed the world with her birth. I know big smiles flashed that day. There were even tears of joy because after waiting for a long time, she finally arrived.

The day we became friends is indeed a blessing. The Lord allowed our paths to meet again after being classmates in the grade school. (She went to Pisay for her highschool.)We were dorm-mates during my whole college life. I never thought I'll be hanging out with her coz we were not "close" when we were still classmates... Iba talaga mag-work si Lord. =)

One thing that I really won't forget about Nez is the way she rebukes. =) (I won't go into details so you can't use the same strat on me! hehe)And the way she shows her concern, her love; and the way she tells me "alang kikyak" (walang iiyak) whenever I tell her about a "guy-i-admire-or-give-attention-to". Hahaha! =) There are people who think she's "mataray", but one thing I can assure you all of is that she's one sweet gal. (Kunwari lang mataray. hehe) Kaya kung sino man yung pine-prepare ni God for her, will really find a precious jewel. Masarap na magluto, maasikaso pa! San ka pa?! =)

Lots of things happened in her life during college... Lots of faith-testing events. And she survived all these because her faith in God never faltered. Her life is a living testimony of God's grace...

I can go on and on, tell you things about how wonderful Nez is. How beautiful her smile is, how brilliant her mind... lots of admirable things... but what really matters is her heart. A heart that is full of love not just for friends and family, but most of all, for God.

Happy birthday, Nez! Thank you for blessing me with your friendship. =)

anti-social

Was there ever a time when you felt like you just want to shut up and make the whole world know that you don’t want to be disturbed? Was there ever a moment in your life when you think you will survive ten thousand years without even saying a word? Was there ever a time, even in its shortest form, that you know for sure that you’re anti-social and you wish the world will just be silent and let you be? (sigh) I hate this feeling.

today and hopefully everyday

I feel loved, I feel beautiful. I feel special, I feel cherished. I feel good, I feel nice. And it’s all because of YOU.

windang

I should have posted this weeks ago but... I was windang. =)

There are things about my life that I don’t know how to handle. Too many things that keep on blabbering inside my head… (I’m not sure how vast and varied they are because they keep chattering all at the same time!) I can’t seem to focus on just one thing. One thing at a time… It’s so hard to do that especially because there are lots of things waiting for my immediate attention… Windang. That’s the right word.

"Waaaah!"

Waaah! – an expression of insanity, extreme happiness, excitement, panic, sadness, relief, and mixed emotions you don’t know how to express.

Weeks ago. The first "waaah!" of excitement. I received a text message from Kyaleks: "Angkol Sam, Hir ay kam...” I was thrilled! My smile's from the left ear to the right. Kyaleks is going to the US for a training-seminar! He will see snow for the first time, go to a place where he is not the tallest, visit the land of milk and honey, travel, go to US, go to US, and go to US! Waaaah! That's really a major thing! I dreamed of going there myself since I was a kid. (I had opportunities to go but decided not to... I was afraid or something...). Anyways, I was sooo excited I can't wait for him to go back to the office to share the details of the interview at the US embassy. I called his mobile, and asked for the kwento immediately. Waaaah!!!! He is going to US! He is going to US! He is really going to the United States of America! Waaaah! He arrived at the office, shared the same story with our team, then to the ates, kuyas, bosses, etc., and yes, I was there, every single time, listening and laughing at the same hirits! Somewhat pathetic, but I don't care! Waaaah! I am just so happy!

Days after. Another "waaah!" This one, on the other hand is of panic. We have agreed with the publishers of FISH Mag to be one of their ticket outlets for the Jars of Clay Show You Love Concert, and committed a guaranteed sales of a certain amount. At first, I thought it was easy. We have a good distribution network naman, I told myself... But as days went by, well... the next "waaaah!” Mahirap pala. hehe :) So there, we prayed, prayed and prayed... And voila! We were able to sell enough tickets! (clap, clap) A "waaaah" of relief. ;)

More days after. "What??? FREE tickets to the Jars of Clay Concert? Patron A seats?! The seats really near the stage?! WAAAAH!!!!" You bet! This "waaaah!" is an expression of extreme happiness!

March 2, 2005. Concert proper. I can’t remember how many “waaahs” came out of me. And yes, they were all expressions of insanity, extreme happiness, excitement, and mixed emotions I dunno how to express—all at the same time! I now love Jars of Clay!!! I even bought their newest album. :) By the way, I was with Daphne and Kaye, and I believe they shouted the same “waaahs” I shouted. Had a really, really great time. I had a free ride home courtesy of Kuya Roovin and Te Maela. And yes, they did not hear anything from me while in the car. Except for my “WAAAAH!!!!” Lots of them. Hehehe :) Thanks for bearing with me. :)

Hmmm… are you wondering when my “waaaah” of sadness happened? Well, it happened March 3, 2005, almost midnight. I was teary-eyed when I arrived home from a dinner with friends. And I was crying before I slept. Waaaah. :( Kyaleks is flying the next day. I know for sure that I’ll miss my Kuya Aleks. Araw-araw mo ba naming kasama tapos biglang hindi? Waaaah talaga yun. Sent him an sms: "Umiiyak ako. Fangeth ka! Gumawa ka ng paraan para di kita mamiss!" To which he replied: "Buhay pa ko! At nangungulangot." Hahaha. :)

Next picture. Friday morning. I’m in shades; and you know why. ;) As soon as I reached my work station, tears flowed. There was a chocolate bar near my PC, with a note from Ivy that really touched my heart. I felt cared for and special. Waaaah. (mixed emotions I dunno how to express). Wrote her a note: “Bijoi, Touched Ako. Hehe :) Love you 2 – Ate Glads” ;)

Waaaah! There are lots of things that the Lord allowed to happen in my life that made me say lots of “waaaahs”. These “waaaah moments” helped me understand myself better, appreciate people around me more, and thank the Lord for the opportunities to say “waaaah” in many different ways.

Waaaah, Lord! Love mo ko talaga! Very Much. :)

MY Kuya Aleks

How do you talk and write about someone who's quite famous, known by many and loved by all? How can you accurately describe how it is to be his friend when you, in one way or another, are overwhelmed by it?

It really takes a lot… a lot of effort to convince myself that I can do it: I can write about Kuya Aleks, though it is much easier for me (and more enjoyable!) to talk about him. :)

I met him during my freshman year in college. He is one of the famous kuyas of the KalCFers, a kuya everyone adores. He was even a marketing tool for the core leaders! The attendance is good when the MCM people know he is attending the dorm fellowship meetings! It is always fun whenever he's around. ;)

He is MY kuya. Kuya sha ng marami, pero kahit minsan di ko naramdaman na ISA LANG ako sa kanila. He never made me feel insignificant. He listens to all my stories - may sense o wala, importante o chicka lang - kahit di pa kami close nun. Ngayon, (di pa rin kami close. Hehehe) sya na shock absorber ko! Sya nakakatanggap ng mga drama ko sa buhay. Sha nakakarinig ng mga daing ko, reklamo, at sama ng loob. Nakukulitan na yan sa kin, lam ko! Pero wala lang, tuloy pa rin ako! hehe :) I'm just sooo comfortable talking with him and sharing with him the things I can't share with just anybody. I can be myself with him. He understands me, and somehow, I'm assured that he will accept me kahit anong klaseng tao pa ako at kahit ano pang drama ng buhay ko (Remember my text dramas and “pathetic” moments? hehe)

He is my encourager. I was afraid to sing in public, his words made me try. I was afraid to lead in the praise and worship, he’s put some sense into me and never gave up in encouraging me even if I was crying! But what I appreciate most about him is his COURAGE. He is not afraid to be a real friend. He is not afraid to rebuke and confront, to care and appreciate. I've seen him handle difficult situations and he is not afraid to face problems, even stressors head on. He is not afraid to ask questions; jologs man o profound. hehe

He is music to my ears. :) I love listening to him. When he speaks, may wisdom! When he sings, may dating! (Shempre, lagi ko shang inookray. Pero atin-atin lang 'to: pa-cute lang yun. haha para masaya) Advantage pa na officemate ko sha! Masaya ang lunch, at madalas pati dinner! Oo nga pala! Gustung gusto ko shang kasabay pauwi kasi nililibre nya ko sa jeep or sa bus! :D

When I think of Kuya Aleks, I can't help but thank the Lord. Kyaleks is an oversize blessing! The thought of him being my kuya is overwhelming! There is comfort, there is joy; because I know I'm accepted and loved no matter what. Alam ni Lord na kailangan ko ng isang kuyang tulad nya kaya for almost 8 years now, he is My Kuya Aleks.

Kuya, pag nagka-girlfriend ka na, Kuya pa rin kita ha?! :)

Thankful

Holiday daw ngayon so I planned to make the most out of it: matulog hanggang gusto kahit kalahating araw! But I woke up earlier than I want to dahil sa "istorbong" tunog ng cellphone (I should have listened to Ate Liezl's suggestion: i-silent mode ang phone). Text message from my dad... miss na cguro nya ko. ahihi...

Thankful, thankful, thankful. That's what I am right now. Thankful of the distance between me and my parents. Not because I can do what I want without them knowing, but because of this distance, I learned to appreciate them more. I realized how much they mean to me, and how much I miss them. Because of the distance, I think about them, and pray for them more often. In Sandara's voice with the wave: MAHAL KO KAYO.

Recently, my younger bro, Arvin, moved in to our apartment here in QC. And yep, I was initially reluctant to have him(may magmomonitor na sakin eh!), coz I had no choice. Wala shang matitirhan pa... After a few days, I found myself, again, thankful. Thankful because I realized that the Lord is teaching me to be responsible. I suddenly want to be a big sister! I want to be a good example, I want to "teach" him, even little things. And yes, I'm thankful for the opportunity to bond with him because since college, di ko sha laging nakakasama... Sinamahan ko shang magbyahe papuntang office nya sa first day ng work nya sa Ortigas. Ang sarap pala ng feeling na ma-practice ulit ang pagiging ate! :) But I was surprised, parang naging younger sister ako nung minsang umuwi ako ng bahay after work. Hinihintay pala nya ko para sabay mag-dinner! At abah! Masarap pala shang magluto! (mana sa akin. ahihi)

There are lots of things that I'm thankful for right now... Pero yun muna share ko. =)

Pahabol: Thankful din pala ko sa mga naka-bonding ko kanina kahit biglaan. Salamat din sa nanlibre ng movie and dinner. Hehe :) Sa uulitin! Maraming salamat sa inyo, na-enjoy ko ang holiday. :)

My FUNny Valentine

Last night, I had a date with this very cute guy. The GUY surprised me with love songs. He sang every song, every lyric from his heart… “No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears, I’m here. Nothing will harm you. Those fears are far behind you…” (Or something like that) Needless to say, I found myself comforted by each song. His voice is so sweet yet so strong. And the way he looks at me… gosh! Melted me like ice cream under the sun! Aaaaahhh… Am I still smiling? I guess I am... =)
I wish that evening never ended… If there really is a cloud nine, I was there. Floating and dancing with outstretched arms…

Waaaah! Sino ba namang di kikiligin don?! Hellllooo? Ano ako bato?! Shempre ninamnam ko bawat minuto! Hehehe =)

Sandali lang. Bakit parang di ka naniniwala? At anong ibig sabihin ng smile na yan? Hmmm? Nangyari yon, noh!

OK, OK… That was partially true (and half-imagination). =) Well, you can’t blame me! That’s exactly how I felt when I heard Christian Bautista sing at the Mandarin Oriental. Two angels named Beng and Aileen surprised me and Bijoi (well, she already had an idea what we’re gonna do so that leaves me and only me clueless) with tickets to Kuh Ledesma and Christian Bautista’s Valentines concert… (Right, the smile is still glued to my face.)

I have always thought that I’m observant and that I know how to come up with reasonable conclusions. I can’t explain why during that day, February 11, 2005, I was afraid to think. I was afraid to expect. An officemate told me he thinks we’re going to Regine Velazquez and Pops Fernandez’s concert. And I replied with “Sana Gary V na lang or Christian B… pero sa Glorietta kami eh! Girls’ Night Out daw. Di ko lam gagawin namin pero sabi ni Kyaleks, 2 years ko daw tatalakan sarili ko pag di ako nakasama. Hehehe” I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to expect… para siguro di ma-disappoint. (Takot ang lola mo.) Anyways…

Di ko na kukwento mga detalye from the dinner sa Sbarro at ikot sa mall. Mabilis pangyayari eh… Basta, sa totoong buhay, magaling ang tactics ng dalawang engels namin.. Diversion! (Sabi nga ni Legolas) Di ko napansin ang tarp ng concert nung nasa tapat na kami ng hotel dahil sa itinurong building sa other side. Pati yung poster na malapit sa entrance dahil may tinurong restaurant na masarap daw ang pagkain, and we should try the place sometime. =) (Ashus! Hehehe =))

Di ko napigilan ang sarili kong kiligin at first. You know naman, nag-try akong magpaka-demure. (Pero di ko pala mashadong kaya. hehe). Isa lang naman reklamo ko. Ang mga audience dun ay parang tuod na di gumagalaw! Iba lang talaga siguro ang pag-appreciate nila ng songs ni Kuh and Christian (o diba, close?). They were just sitting there, holding their date’s hands.. chuva! (Great! mang-inggit daw ba?!) Habang ako, well… maganda. =)

Di ko na nabilang ang dami ng kanta. Di ko na matandaan kung ilang beses nagpalit ng gown si Kuh Ledesma. Basta ang alam ko lang, andun ako, habang kumakanta si Christian Bautista! (By the way, dalawang beses lang shang nagpalit ng polo. Grayish yung una, reddish yung pangalawa. At naka-black sha na coat and pants at shiny ang shoes!)

So ganun na nga po ang nangyari. (for more details, visit ate beng’s blogsite hehehe). Nahiya pa nga akong sumigaw ng “More!” eh. Effort talaga yun for me.

Nakasakay na kami sa taxi pauwi, kinikilig pa ko. Hirap itago ng smile. Hehe =) Hindi pa ko nakatulog agad pag-uwi. KAILANGANG malaman ito ng mga housemates ko! Hehehehe =) At gaya ng inaasahan, they’re happy for me. (and I guess, nakulitan din sila. Sowee. Hehehe)

Thank you Ate Beng and Ate Aileen. “What a pleasant surprise!” is the biggest understatement of the year! (My year, that is. Or years maybe)
Hanggang ngayon, naka-smile pa rin ako. =)

Wisdom Tooth

Walang nagsabi sa akin na masakit pala tubuan ng wisdom tooth! Nabagabag ako sa buong araw, iritable sa paligid, konti na lang ay maasar sa buong mundo! Ang hirap pala pag unti-unting nadadagdagan ang edad. Kaakibat ay mga pagbabagong minsan ay nagdudulot ng saya, minsan naman ay sakit. Ang sakit talaga!
Naisip ko tuloy, masakit din ba ang pagdating ng wisdom sa totoong buhay? Malamang oo... (wisdom tooth nga lang, masakit na eh! =)) marami munang pagdaraanan bago matamo ang wisdom na inaasam... maraming pagsubok, maraming aral. Pero ganun pa man, patuloy pa rin ang pagsusumikap... patuloy ang pagtakbo ng buhay... patuloy...hanggang matamo ng tuluyan.

Trying

At last! I found the opportuniy to actually create my own blog! I'm still figuring out how I can make it interesting (I must tell you I'm not creative)... I have no idea how I'll be able to do that so please bear with me. I have a lot more to learn. ;-)