moved

yeah, yeah... I haven't been writing anything.

i moved! here.

and before you say anything, I'm still experimenting. hehe :)

see yah all there! :)

meet my dad

my dad's in maui, hawaii right now, attending the Haggai Institute Training. he just learned how to upload pictures from his new digicam, so he sent these pics as proof of this new "skill' :D

he's the one on the left, with a South Korean delegate

yes, he's the one in pink. :D

we've been exchanging emails these past days and i told my mom she should learn how to use the internet already. i also told her how i find it weird that dad and i are corresponding in English. wonder of wonders! we're 100% capampangans! hehe :) I guess location does that to you. hihihi ;)

wala lang talaga

is it too late for wish lists? :)

Top 10 Things I WANT (as of writing)
in RANDOM order (is there such a thing?)

1. a macbook pro (who doesn't lust for one?!)
2. a new cellphone (stuck with the old one till august)
3. a new cd/mp3 player (still have to check on the specs i want)
4. a day at the spa (i think i NEED this)
5. a new hairdo (or hair cut, maybe)
6. a salary raise :D (I NEED this!)
7. dinner in a fine dining resto (without spending for it haha)
8. an out of town vacation (escape! bora? hmmm...)
9. a house and lot (preparing for single life?!)
10. healing for my cousin, ate Malou (hala, serious!)


ayun. wala lang akong magawa. bow.


the Lord's answer to number 10 came last Friday. Ate Malou is now with Him, peaceful and free from all the pain brought about by cancer, and the world. We praise and thank the Lord for her life, and for the many ways she has blessed us. We will miss her, but we are happy for her. Praise God for the joy of salvation. :)

Buhay Pamilya

I don't want to be melancholic or something, but as I'm writing this, I have no idea how it will go. I'll just let my thoughts run, ideas and reminiscences come as they want, if they want to.. Well, at least you have an idea of how random or sabog my mind is when it comes to things especially family life.

*****

I don't know if it's just because I was able to spend time at home, in Pampanga, last Holy Week or something else but I believe God is cooking something for me. He's been allowing lots of things to come along my way, to break me and remold me. Family matters, et cetera.

*****

There's this blood pressure raising episode that happened between my youngest bro, Manny Boy, and my mom. I don't want to wash dirty linens in public so I'll skip the kwento. But in this eksena, it dawned on me that we, as a family, are in a way "responsible" for the way he turned out to be: a spoiled brat.

He's the most malambing of us siblings, most charming, and he has a way of being swabe in different situations. He's the bunso, and that's enough reason why there was an extra something for him when he was growing up. Extra-patience, extra-kindness, extra-provision, extra stuff. And now that he's 23, with a terrible temper, I was almost ready to give up on the hope that he will soon change and grow up.

*****

(Do I sound jealous? I’d like to think not, for I understand the situation well. But I must admit that there was a time when I wished I made more mistakes, learned from MY OWN mistakes and experiences, rather than learn from others’.)

*****

But Mom is firm. When she says NO to his requests, she stands by this decision. However, when Manny Boy pleads with Dad, it's a different story. Does this mean that in my family, the females are more stringent? Hmmm... I wonder... But I concluded that Dad loves my bro so much that he wants to give him every thing he can. You see, he understands what my bro is going through for he's been there, done that. And he's a living proof of God's grace that changes life and lifestyle. And that GOD Who did something wonderful to my Dad, is the same God that has the power to work in my brother. And I will remain hopeful. Praying and waiting for that day to come.

*****

Disappointed with Dad. Because he’s kunsintidor. But do I blame him? No. I understand him. (This is the first time, I think, that I saw a significant flaw on him. I have always looked up to my Dad…and I still do…) And there’s no room for pointing fingers. We all have our faults.

*****

And then there’s Arvin. The most tipid of the magkakapatid. He has a car na, partially paid by the parents. And I think he deserves it. He knows how to take care of stuff and save for things he wants to acquire. He’s hardworking, and responsible.

Hmmm… are you waiting for the “but”? Let me just say that he’s a work in progress. I can sense that the Lord is doing something in his life right now. And I’m excited to see how he will turn out to be a couple of years from now…

*****

And me as the sister? Well, I was the nagging sister! Feeling powerful, and authoritative. Always ready to point out mistakes, and ready to provide “the best” solutions and instructions to the siblings. I never thought that during those years, I was the kontra-bida to them…It just felt good to be always right. BUT well, we grow up, realize our mistakes, and try to be better people. Uhumm… emphasis on TRY.

*****

Hay. I should post a picture. (searching… searching…)

I can’t find one. Oh well…

heartbreak

Heartbreak. Do you remember your first heartbreak? Why in the world do you?! I mean, why would you remember when it's something really, really "heart-breaking"? What's worth remembering about it, lessons learned?

Ok, you may picture me doing the "kilay seesaw with kunot-noo" and I won't take it against you. But read on.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

It's been a long time since I last used this word. heartbreak. Quite a long time ago since I last experienced the word. heartbreak. And I'm using it again, now, because this is what's happening. Heartbreak.

Yes, my heart is breaking. Breaking for someone lost. A love unrequited. A waterfall of tears. A decision to let go and stop believing; not to trust, no, not anymore.

Suffering, grief, disappointment, anger. They all have their way of making things dark. And in the dark, when we can't see, we often choose to close our eyes. Sometimes foolishly. We succumb to the gloom and close our minds to the hope of morning.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

I don't know her that well. We barely spoke nor had a notable kwentuhan. She's five years younger, a graduating iskolar ng bayan. She supports herself. She works to study, and studies to work for a better future. She was a Sunday School teacher.

But she is busy. Too busy doing her best, working hard, relying on herself.

For He disappointed her. She needs Him but she can't see Him. She was afraid but comfort did not come. She cried but no one seemed to hear. She felt alone, and she can't afford to trust.

People disappointed her. Respected ones failed her. If they, "holy and righteous", can be like that, then what makes them different from the scum of the earth?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

There is a mother crying. Crying for a daughter lost. She blames her lack of wisdom. For it's not enough to win her "non-prodigal" child back. To convince her to return. Return to her Father.

She's shed a waterfall.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Heartbreaking. This is heartbreaking for me. And it is very real.
I fear for her future. For I know that the Father loves her and He doesn't want her down there.

And this heartbreak, unpleasant as it is, I don't wish to forget it. For it is a reminder of a responsibility and a command. One we should always keep in mind.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Matthew 28:18-20 (New International Version)


 

AFRAID

Afraid that what they think is right
Afraid that it is true
Afraid that I might feel the same
Afraid and doubtful, too.

Afraid to finally take the risk
Afraid I might be wrong
Afraid that it's not what it seems
Afraid of losing all.

Afraid of all uncertainties
Afraid of giving up;
Afraid that maybe you're the one
Afraid I've led you out.

Afraid of possibilities
And what the future brings
But fearful me wanted to be
A bird, and fly with wings

What should I do? I ask myself
I am much too afraid
And I have seen that I have been
Of many things, afraid.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~
So I'll decide, once and for all
That I will do my best
To rise up from that breaking fall
And trust God for the rest.
~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

In Heaven's Eyes

sung by Sandi Patti and written by Phill McHugh.

A fervent prayer rose up to heaven,
A fragile soul was losing ground
Sorting through the earthly babble,
Heaven heard the sound.

It was a life of no distinction,
No successes, only tries.
Yet gazing down on this unlovely one,
There was love in Heaven's Eyes.

The orphaned child, the wayward father,
The homeless traveler in the rain
When life goes by and no one bothers,
Heaven feels the pain.

Looking down, God sees each heartache,
Knows each sorrow, hears each cry,
And looking up, we'll see compassion's fire
Ablaze in Heaven's Eyes.


Refrain:

In Heaven's Eyes, there are no losers,
In Heaven's Eyes, no hopeless cause.
Only people like you, with feelings like me
And we're amazed by the grace we can find
In Heaven's Eyes.

This is my "comfort song" for the month. And if you know me, there's a reason why... So I thank the Lord everyday for the way He speaks to my heart, with music.

note to self

no matter how hard you try, you can't be as good, as kind, as gracious, or as patient as you want to be.

and there will always be a situation bound to prove that to you.

but more important, is the thought that you tried.

and learned.

even if you failed.

.....


and in this circle of life,

you know that you'll try

again

and again.

...

da atak of da "KA"

AKO:

Kuya, 29 ka na! yak, u'r old! :p sabi nila, maturity comes wt age, pero sa case mo, hmmm... nauna c maturity. ;) thanks, 4 being MY kuya, kaibigan, kapatid,kapamilya, kabarkada, ka-opisina, kakulitan, kabangayan, kakwentuhan, kakampi, atbp. :) hulog ka ng langit. :) at nawa sa bday mo, maramdaman mo kung gaano ka kahalaga. I rili appreciate u kuya, as a person. Hehe :) nawa lalo ka pang i-bless ni Lord. Especially sa aspeto ng... Health. *wink,wink* :P

KYALEKS:

*sniff sniff* salamat, kakosa :)

AKO:
Haha :p walang anuman, kalabaw, kalapati, kambing, kalachuchi, kalamansi, kampupot, kalabasa, kamatis, atbp. Hihi :)

KYALEKS:

Ka...lahati! :)

AKO:

Hahaha! Grabe, naiyak ako sa katatawa! Fangeth, inubo pa ko! D tuloy agad ako nakareply! Hihi :) makakaganti din ako, pagtapos na ng bday mo! Hehe :)


KYALEKS:

Last na... Ka-piraso! :) peace! Nyt glads :)

AKO:

Meron pa! Kapiranggot! Hehehe :) tseh! :p nyt, kyaleks, njoy ur bday. :) palalampasin ko ang kalapastanganang itoh! Hehe :) sha, nyt. :) hapi bday ulit. :)

watch-and-you'll-know-why :)

this caused me a month-long (almost!) LSS. :D

and yes, you can sing along! the lyrics are also available. *wink,wink*

good eyesight

A great many things in God's divine providences do not look to the eye like goodness. But faith sits down before mysteries such as these, and says, "The Lord is good, therefore all that He does must be good no matter how it looks. I can wait for His explanations".




--Hannah Whitall Smith--

Went-worth it!

Maybe because it's February
Or maybe 'cause of peers
But I can't ignore that probably
It's just because it's me.

Anything that's Wentworth Miller
Anything that bears his name
Anything I hear about him
Is just so interesting

I laugh when I'm reminded
Of how teenagerish it seems
A crush or infatuation
But who cares! I'm fine with it.

With his stare that's so intense,
his smile that's oh so MAN,
his presence that's so commanding
he'll drive them all to trembling.

Oh, yes, I know it's childish
but see, I needed this.
a break from all that stressed me
to giggle free with glee.

Oh, Wentworth, Wentworth, Wentworth!
That con from Prison Break!
What've you done to this li'l lassie
And made her feel like crazy!

thank You for

 

 

Lord, I thank You
 

     for prospects of growth
     for moments of silence
     for eras of need

     for showers of grace

    for periods of despair

 

For through these episodes You show Yourself in control...

 

and that's what I need to be reminded of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

tanong lang

sige nga!

paano mo malalaman pag "this is it" na?!

Our Best New Year Celebration Ever... as a Family

I thought my year 2006 will have the worst ending ever, but as usual, the Lord surprised me and my family. :D

 

Looking back, I realized how many times I have been restless, discouraged, hurt, sad, confused and frustrated. I revisited journal entries with thoughts known only to me and the Lord, and remembered how during those times HE has been there for and with me. I leafed through pages of learnings and bits of "notes to self", wishes, hopes, and dreams... and realized that those things I prayed for, mostly received answers: Yes, No, and Wait. :D Guess what received the "waits". Haha :) Oh well, I asked the Lord for so MANY things, in fairness naman sa akin. haha :D

 

I want to share some juicy stuff with you, but I'm too afraid to let you all in to my life... because there are lots of things I still don't have the courage to share... Not yet, that is. Plus I don't want to go senti at the moment. :)

 

But here are some stuff I can share with the whole world for now:

 

Do you remember my Birthday Wish? Yes, I wished for me to be  GRACIOUS. And though I know that I'm still not THAT gracious to people, the Lord provided opportunities for me to practice grace. Especially to those whom I easily lose my temper with: my younger brothers. And I was surprised with how the Lord helped me to be a BIG SISTER to my bros. On two separate occasions, I was touched and moved by the way they appreciated me as their "ate". Those were once-in-a-blue-moon occurrences, so they left big, wonderful marks on my heart. :) (Partida, no conscious effort for me to be gracious nun ha. hehe)

 

I noticed how the Lord has been helping me to be mature in many ways. There were trials [and errors] which were character-building and lesson-learning. And through all these, His grace has been very evident. (O di ba, medyo general ang wento, pansin nyo? hehe)

 

BUT WAIT! I thought this post is about Our Best New Year Celebration Ever?! Hmmm... obviously, I deviated from the point. hehe (Oh, men! Di nyo man lang ako sinita! hmph! :p)