heartbreak

Heartbreak. Do you remember your first heartbreak? Why in the world do you?! I mean, why would you remember when it's something really, really "heart-breaking"? What's worth remembering about it, lessons learned?

Ok, you may picture me doing the "kilay seesaw with kunot-noo" and I won't take it against you. But read on.

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It's been a long time since I last used this word. heartbreak. Quite a long time ago since I last experienced the word. heartbreak. And I'm using it again, now, because this is what's happening. Heartbreak.

Yes, my heart is breaking. Breaking for someone lost. A love unrequited. A waterfall of tears. A decision to let go and stop believing; not to trust, no, not anymore.

Suffering, grief, disappointment, anger. They all have their way of making things dark. And in the dark, when we can't see, we often choose to close our eyes. Sometimes foolishly. We succumb to the gloom and close our minds to the hope of morning.

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I don't know her that well. We barely spoke nor had a notable kwentuhan. She's five years younger, a graduating iskolar ng bayan. She supports herself. She works to study, and studies to work for a better future. She was a Sunday School teacher.

But she is busy. Too busy doing her best, working hard, relying on herself.

For He disappointed her. She needs Him but she can't see Him. She was afraid but comfort did not come. She cried but no one seemed to hear. She felt alone, and she can't afford to trust.

People disappointed her. Respected ones failed her. If they, "holy and righteous", can be like that, then what makes them different from the scum of the earth?

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There is a mother crying. Crying for a daughter lost. She blames her lack of wisdom. For it's not enough to win her "non-prodigal" child back. To convince her to return. Return to her Father.

She's shed a waterfall.

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Heartbreaking. This is heartbreaking for me. And it is very real.
I fear for her future. For I know that the Father loves her and He doesn't want her down there.

And this heartbreak, unpleasant as it is, I don't wish to forget it. For it is a reminder of a responsibility and a command. One we should always keep in mind.

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Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Matthew 28:18-20 (New International Version)