mangga at bagoong

nakakatawang isipin na para sa kin, ang mangga at bagoong ang tambalang walang kapantay. asim ng mangga, tamis at anghang ng bagoong. da best!

nakakalungkot lang, seasonal ang mangga. tuwing summer, dun sila bongga! buti pa'ng bagoong, walang pinipiling panahon... pero teka, ibig sabihin ba non, tuwing summer lang ako masaya? ibig sabihin ba no'n tuwing summer lang masaya ang aking panlasa?

iniisip ko pa lang, natatakam na ko! pero unti unting nalulungkot...

nalulungkot dahil heto na ang tag-ulan, naghuhudyat ng papalapit na katapusan ng maliligayang araw. mga araw na ineenjoy talaga ang asim ng mangga, ang lutong ng bawat kagat, ang pagguhit ng asim sa lalamunan, at di mapigilang pagpikit ng mata sa bawat pagkakataong nalalasahan ang sarap ng mangga.

heto na ang tag-ulan, dulot sa ki'y kalungkutan. naghuhudyat ng mga inaasahang baha, pagkabasa, at pagdaloy ng luha.

tulad sa buhay ko, ngayon ay tag-ulan. asim ng mangga, di na maramdaman. sarap ng bagoong, unti unti nang nalilimutan.

pinipigilan ang baha, pagkabasa, at pagdaloy ng luha. mga instrumentong gawa sa tawa at sigla, di pala mabisa. sapagkat mahirap linlangin ang sarili.

panahon na nga ng tag-ulan.

a grand dream

had a really great time today [Saturday]. went to laguna with officemates. magaling silang gumawa ng rason para gumimik eh! went to the wake of k.jun's mom sa lucena last friday night, then saturday early morning, went to a resort in laguna (sa liliw ba talaga yun, ning?)

there were four swimming pools: 2 for kids, 2 for adults acting like kids. ehehe ;) the water was MALAMIG *with panginginig ng boses*, but im proud to say that i was able to enjoy the water, and swim! [yes, thank you, nakakalangoy na ko ng konti *clap, clap*] na-try ko din yung mga slides sa pool ng kids. ;) pramis, enjoy yun! [di ba, gracie?]

masarap din ang pagkain. sarap talagang maging ama si paparon! :D naranasan ko ding kumain sa dahon ng saging, yung tipong nakikipag-agawan ka ng pagkain?! ang saya talaga! at take note, kasama sa agawan si RAR [THE CEO], at si FGS [ang aming direk]. Grabeng bonding ito! ;)

but more than these things, one realization made my day. i won't keep you in the dark, don't worry, ;)

i realized that nez and i share one dream. we want to be MOTHERS [shempre, in da future, jahe sa fans kung now na, dabah?]

since i was in grade school, enjoy ko na talagang mag-alaga ng mga babies. cute kasi nila eh, and precious talaga. ilang neighbors na namin dati ang natulungan ko sa pag-aalaga ng mga anak nila. at ang pinakagusto kong gawin ay patulugin yung baby sa arms ko while singing "sleep my darling baby" [yun lang lyrics nya, iba iba lang ang tono hehe]. pero naisip ko nun, dahil lang cute sila kaya ko sila gustong alagaan, pero once na mag-pupu na and all, balik na sa magulang!

ganun pa rin naman ngayon. haha! [pero i have a feeling na pag akin na yung nag-pupu, i'd be more than willing na linisan sya. :)]

pero ano'ng konek nito sa gimik namin? well, kasama kasi namin si shang shang [Grace Roscia], ang bibo at kikay na anak ni kuya rommel. malambing ang batang ito, grabe! and yes, aminado ako'ng marami kaming pagkakapareho nung bata pa ko: madaldal, mahilig magkwento, kikay, bibo, matalino, maganda, [walang aangal!], etc, etc. in short, artistahin! hehe :)

katabi ko sya sa sasakyan ni direk, nakatulog syang nakahiga sakin nung naghihintay kami sa parking ng airport while waiting for the arrival of direk's plane. at kahit nangangawit ako, ok lang. yung tipong ayaw mong gumalaw para di maistorbo ang tulog nya? yung tipong papaypayan mo para masarap tulog nya kahit di ka makatulog? syaks! gusto kong maging nanay!

naalala ko tuloy mommy ko. madaming beses ko na yung naaway sa tanang buhay ko [yung isang beses, dahil sa kasibaan ko sa fruit salad! hehe] pero di ko nun naisip kung anu-anong sacrifices ang maaaring ginawa nya for me, at kung ano ang pinagdaanan nya para mabuhay ako. *sniff, sniff* at kahit di nya madalas sabihin, ramdam at alam kong mahal nya ko.

tapos na pala mothers' day noh? late tong post ko ah! hehe

na-enjoy ko ang pagiging "nanay" kay shang shang. dati kasi "yaya" lang ako ni rein ni kuya onnie. o di ba, nanay na ko ngayon?! promoted! ;)

haaay... someday, if the Lord wills it, i'm gonna be a mom. and i know i'll enjoy it kahit maging katulad ko pa ang anak ko. maraming problemang dadalhin, heartaches maybe, sakit ng ulo, oo. it won't be easy, i know! but i won't be alone. :) may Katulong ako every step of the way. ;)

alone with you

alone with you, no need to hide bringing my wants and leaving my pride alone with you, broken by sin needing your grace and empty again alone with you, you speak my name drying my tears and taking my shame alone with you, your healing starts your hand of peace on my head and heart and now your light is revealing the places that your love is healing alone with you, you make it clear your love for me will always be here when i draw near to seek after your heart C. Cloninger, My Utmost for His Highest Musical

missing the turk, missing palot

early this morning, with a mug-full of coffee, i heard myself talking to ME. "haaay, miss ko na si te liezl [the w(a)nderer]. chaka si pammie." :'(

asan si powermark pag kailangan mo sya?! hehe

ganun pala noh? kahit merong communication, alam mo ang nangyayari sa buhay-buhay ng bawat isa, alam mo kung ano'ng pinagkaka-busy-han nila,posible pa rin palang mamiss mo pa rin sila. ng todo.
iba pa rin talaga ang face-to-face conversations. yung tipong nakikita mo yung twinkle ng mata nila, yung giggles and smiles (oo, pammie, kahit walang dimples), yung galaw na sila lang ang nakakagawa, yung hagalpak na walang pakialam sa mundo, yung hiritan na walang hiyaan, kantahang deadma sa paligid [kasama na dun ang boom shi, boom shi, boom boom, boom, teliz!], kwentuhang
inaabot ng umaga, buhusan ng sama ng loob, hingahan ng frustrations, iyakan ng hinanakit at syempre, heartaches, ;)

di ko lam kung bakit ko sila biglang na-miss. ang alam ko lang, maiintindihan nila ako. sa mga tawa, iyak, sigaw, malalim na hininga, pati pananahimik [uh, nangyayari ba yon sakin? hehe].

they are like my kith and kin. pamilya at kapatid na nanggaling sa ibang mga magulang.

waaah! ate liz! dapat talaga andito ka na eh. miss ka na namin ni nez. kelan ka ba uuwi?! malapit na naming maubos sa isa't isa ang mga kwento. hehe :) alam mo bang may bago na kong song na pambulahaw ng room? chaka may mga ka-dramahan na naman kami? chaka madami pang iba?!

pammie! kelan ka ba babalik?! naaalala kita lagi dati pag napapanuod ko ang full house! pareho kayong sumayaw ni jessie! ehehe ;) chaka, gusto na kitang makita, chaka makausap, chaka malaman kung ano ng bago sa buhay mo, chaka makasabay kumain ng pagkaing nagsi-swimming sa sabaw, imbentong ulam, atchaka madami pang iba.

waaah! naiinis tuloy ako sa inyo. ang sasama nyo. naiiyak tuloy ako ngayon. :'( sana dumating na yung panahong babalik na kayo. sana dumating na yon. sana.

PN [personal note] 240505

There is more God has for us during a season of singleness than just learning the art of misery and impatience.

Lisa Velthouse, Saving My First Kiss

takot

a friend asked me "bakit ka takot?". i replied with "takot saan?". yun. maraming bagay...

sa palaka. kailangan pa bang imemorize yan? nakakatakot naman talaga sila eh! sabi kasi sakin meron daw palaka na dumidikit sayo... at mahirap matanggal. ayun. di kinaya ng imagination ko. hehe ;)

babaw nito. yoko na tuloy ituloy. ayokong isipin ang mga takot ko. madami eh chaka baka pag tinuloy ko pa, mapahamak ko sarili ko! ehehe ;)

nek tayms na lang. pag kaya ko na. hehe :D meantym, try ko nang matulog.

ilusyon?

“waaaah! kasalanan ‘to lahat ni gracie!” was the first line in my monologue early this Friday morning as I sat on my swivel chair. Bakit ba naman di ko yun sasabihin eh sya ang nagpahiram sakin ng isa na namang novel ni Lori Wick!

Waaaah!

it all started with Ukay Bookay [ang pinakamalaking SALE sa OMFLit bookstore tuwing June]. I was able to buy Lori Wick's Kensington Chronicles [4 books] sa napakababang presyo! di ko na sasabihin kung magkano para di kayo mainggit. pero pramis, best buy yun!

i spent long hours reading each novel. book 1 till the fourth, walang palya! ang galing galing kasi nyang magsulat! kuha ang bawat emosyon, at mapipicture mo talaga kung ano ang nangyayari sa istorya. you will find yourself moving with the characters, living in the eighteen hundreds… loving and admiring the “bidas”, and hoping someday, somehow you will meet someone like, in my case, THE GUY. bakit naman kasi sa mga nobela, ang gagaling ng mga bidang lalake! well, may mga flaws din naman sila pero kahit anong mangyari,lumulutang talaga yung mga positive traits nila, even yung mga ginagawa nilang efforts that make the ladies feel protected and secure. hay, buhay! pero ang maganda dito, may mga lessons na matututunan... mga principles about the matters of the heart na di tinuturo sa paaralan, teachings na galing sa Bible. mga basics, non-negotiables, na minsan di natin nabibigyan ng halaga or deliberately ini-ignore natin.

later in the evening while having dinner at Galleria, we, my besti and i, realized that in one way or another the love-story novels we've read in college made us picture the "ideal man". he must be so and so, he must be blah, blah, blah. ayun, characters sila sa nobela! fiction o drawing sa totoong buhay at tila di na ata nag-eexist at ilusyon na lang!

medyo di kami natuwa. hehe ;)

naalala ko tuloy, ningning [ang masiba sa kanin] and kuya ed warned me against the negative effects of reading lovestory novels. dahil nga we have the tendency to compare the real-life guys with the fictitious knights-in-shining-armor. [eh sa totoo namang wala na talagang ganung lalake sa mundo eh! hmmm... ay! meron pa nga pala! pero taken na sila! bwahaha!] at dahil inaaway ko sila pag di sila "perfect" tulad ni Cash sa City Girl or ni ___ sa ____. hehe ;) not to mention the fact na masarap silang asarin. hehe ;)

i have to admit na may point sila. unfair namang i-expect na maging sila yung mga charaters sa nobela. "bakit di kayo ganito, bakit di kayo ganon..." parang natatabunan tuloy ang magagandang characteristics nila... mambobola na ba ako? hehe ;) si kuya ed, mega-responsable yan. priority talaga ang pamilya. si ningning naman, well, inosente daw. ayun. yun lang. bwahaha! kidding aside, thoughtful at always ready to help sa abot ng makakaya.

yeah, may effect naman talaga sa minds natin yung mga binabasa natin eh. kaya dapat careful tayo. pulutin ang dapat pulutin... Read good Christian literature ;)

natanggap ko na naman yung katotohanan eh. nagising na sa ilusyon. kung sino man ang naka-laan, meron man o wala, naniniwala akong yung da best NYA pa rin ang mangyayari sa nobela ng buhay ko. HE has given me life, and I will enjoy it to the full.

when you start to realize that these guys around you are works in progress, and that God is working in their lives, molding them, you'll see that they are also THE GUYS in their own novels. yun nga lang, di sila ang bida kundi yung AUTHOR ng buhay nila.

pero bakit ko sinisisi si gracie? wala lang. hehe =) nagsimula na naman kasi akong mang-asar... *grin* buti na lang naka-leave si kyaleks kanina. naaway ko na naman siguro sya kung nagkataon. hehehe =) peace! ;)

keka ku, kaku ka (sa filipino)

di ko hiningi, binigay mo lahat ng nasa akin, dahil sayo walang anumang maitatago sayo ang lahat ng bagay nalalaman mo. tanging ikaw lang ang may kalooban, may kakayanan, at puno ng kabutihan maraming bagay ang di ko maintindihan ngunit naniniwalang mayro’n kang dahilan. ngayong araw na puno ng kabalisahan, walang kayang lapitan kundi ang ‘yong harapan pusong tumatangis, bigyang kapayapaan at sa bawat oras wag mo sanang iiwanan.

keka ku, kaku ka

eku inyawad, binie mu
sablang atyu kaku uli mu
alang bageng asalikut kareng mata mu
eganaganang bage balu mu.

ika mu kabud ing ating kapagnasan,
ating sikanan, at mitmung kayapan
dakal a bage ing eku ayntindyan
dapot maniwala kung atin kang parasan.

ngeni keng aldong mitmung kabalisan,
alang agyung lapitan nune ing kekang arapan
pusung manangis dinang kapayapan
at balang oras emu sana lalakwan.

i'm bad ='(

another windang day, another friday.

was moody, was bad.

was silent, then not.

now feelin bad, feelin low,

please bear with me,

i'm terribly sorry.

i don't want to write about Banaue

this is a bit late to story-tell about our staff retreat last april. all my blogger friends told you about how wonderful, how great,how exciting the retreat to Banaue has been. i don't want to write about that. alam nyo na yun eh. alam nyo na nangyari, pati kung saan kami pumunta. The PTA can already handle the promotions for Banaue at Sagada so i'll leave that to them na lang. hehe ;)

so what is this post about you wonder... well...

i want to let you in on some of my thoughts, experiences, things that i discovered about some things, or plainly the things i can allow myself to tell you about... ok ba yon? sabagay, la naman kayong magagawa. Blog ko to eh! ;) so here we go...

my bus momment. during the trip, lingid sa kaalaman ng iba, nag-momment ako. nag-emong. i was listening to this song by Cece Winans, Alabaster Box. ayoko sanang isama yun sa playlist, pero si Kyaleks [the tap dancer] ay makulit. kailangan ko daw matutunan yung song na to. Oh well... bow naman ako sa taste nya sa music chaka kanya naman yung memstick so ayun na nga po ang nangyari. Naiyak ako sa song, nabalikan ang mga eksena sa The Passion, at nainternalize ng husto ang lyrics. waaaaah! makanta ko nawa ang song na yon kahit once in my lifetime. ;)

my mountains. malapit na kami sa Banaue when i saw these mountains. shucks. may i, even for just a second claim them as mine? they are just soooo awesome! ang ganda, mga friends! taob ang "astig, panis, halimaw!" ni daph [the silent-not]. how great Thou art talaga ang song nito at ito ang epitome ng "this is my Father's world"! nanliit ako, kapatid. and i felt like "the God who created these mountains, cares for me so He created these mountains" He wants me to "experience" His greatness, His power, His beauty. I realized that indeed, God is great, and He created in me something beautiful. I am beautiful!!! (no matter what they say, words can't bring me down... hehehe)

my "try ko lang" experience. "there's no harm in trying" was never my motto in life. i take risks with a near-zero probability. minimum level of frequency. i dunno what happened, but suddenly, i wanted to try something new, something different, conquer myself kind of thing. so what's more peculiar than me doing an interpretative dance?! (uh, me being silent?) yeah, i dance... but i do streetdance! not the girlish, gracefully slow movements and turns. so i surprised myself by agreeing to join Misyel, an officemate who dances really well, but who's shy to dance alone... so with the song Man After Your Own Heart, sung by Kyaleks and Daph, we danced during the worship service. And i sung while dancin. I had mistakes with the steps choreographed by Misyel, but i didn't care! dancin for the Lord is wonderfully and joyfully great. This is another thing I'd like to do again. i enjoyed every moment, every step, every turn. I hope to dance. Again.

my "conquer yourself" experience. this is the four-hour trek to and fro Batad and Tapia falls experience. i enjoy walking, but man! walking through mountains was not my idea of a walk! hirap nun ah at nakakapagod! patience-extending experience ito mga kapatid! but the sight and the feel of the Tapia falls is worth all the pawis and taba that came out of me. isipin mo ba namang may malamig na tubig kang dadatnan pagkatapos ng isang napaka-init na lakad? haaaay. ;) napigilan ko naman ang sarili ko na umangal ng dahil sa init at pagod, sa halip ay i-appreciate and ganda ng bundok, ang huni ng ibon at kulisap, ang tunog ng tubig, ang ka-simplehan ng pamumuhay, at ang sarap ng pagiging buhay! I will survive, I will survive! hey-hey! ;)

my "conquer your fear" experience. tatalakan ko ang sarili ko ng more than two years if i didn't join the spelunking inside the cave in Sagada. that was the first time i was able to go inside a cave at ni sa hinagap ay di ko na-picture ang kagandahan sa loob ng isang kweba! feeling ko kasi dati, may mga nakatirang ermitanyo sa loob ng mga ganon. or something creepy. but because i felt that this is a once in a lifetime experience, i had to go! and i did. ;) i started to go in confidently. "kaya ko ang mga bato, kahit gano ka-laki" sabi ko sa sarili ko. pero ibang usapan na pag ang mga bato ay nasa tubig na malamig (not to mention na may parts na medyo malalim!). Salamat sa Diyos, andun si Kuya Audie to help me out, at mga friends who cheered for me during the "kahit-anong-mangyari-wag-bibitawan-ang-rope" moments. paglabas ng cave, i called out to Kuya Audie saying "Thanks, fatha" hehe may isa na naman akong ama ;) sa totoong buhay, nanginig ako at medyo nagpanic, pero feeling ko ngayon, may tapang palang nakatago sa akin dati kahit konti, not the war-freak tapang, but the kind of courage that faces fears. i'm excited to discover new things that the Lord will reveal in my life soon. Iba talaga ang creativity ni God! ;)

my "cry to the max prayer" experience with friends. on our travel back from Sagada to Banaue Hotel, nasiraan ang last na sasakyan. Sakay nito ay mga officemates namin from Cebu, with two kids, sisters ate ritchie and des, and kuya jojo and his daughter na roommie namin ni Bijoi [the engkantada]. We arrived safely sa hotel and we can't help but think of the last team's situation. We needed to lift our worries and cares to the Lord. So in our room, Gracie [aka Darnini], Daph, Bijoi, and I, lifted the situation to the Lord. We prayed and cried out to the Lord, for small miracles, for their safety and comfort, for wisdom to understand why He allowed things to happen, for His mercy, for His grace. Grabe ito! Medyo maga pa mga mata namin nung mag-dinner kami. I thank God for friends like them, friends who have compassion, friends who I know will also pray for me
and be with me in my time of need.

uhhmmmm... napahaba na ata to mashado. madami pa kong pwedeng i-share: my showbiz intriga moment, more personal stuff, but I guess these things are better left "un-talked about". baka ma-"astig, panis, halimaw" ako dito eh! ahihi. ;)

so ayun na nga.

this is not about the mountains, the Banaue Rice Terraces, the Sagada Cave, the trek nor the whole retreat experience, not even about me. This is about my God, Creator of all things bright and beautiful, the Source of all things wonderful, the Author of my life. THANK YOU LORD! ;)

corny

After more than a month of not being able to go home, I went home to Pampanga today. =)

The dogs did not bark at me, I guess they still remember me, but my mom mentioned something like "Sabi ng dad mo, natatandaan pa kaya niya itsura mo..." Oh well... Miss na nila ko, yihee. Hehehe =) When my dad arrived home sabi nya "How are you? (in a tone na sha lang ang nakakagawa) Tingnan nga kita kung ganun pa rin pagkakakilala ko sayo." I smiled with my beautiful eyes. Pa-cute! hehe =)

Di kami expressive sa family. We don't usually say "I miss you, I love you" or the likes. Di kami sweet, tulad ng ibang families. (Hello, Nez!) We have our own ways-yung di mashadong corny sa pandinig namin... BUT when suddenly you receive a text message from dad saying "Enjoy, have fun, ingat, love you.", I'll go "aaaarrggghh!" (with a weird shoulder movement) and smile then reply "thanks, ingatz, c yah, love you too." then smile again. There are things that I thank technology for talaga. ;)

Dahil sa text, natuto kaming maging "corny" and expressive (ng konti). And corny or not, ok lang. ;)

Thank God some things change. =)

REHAB... again?

I hope you still remember my friend who asked me write about his rehabilitation... Well, he needs to do another rehab. From another "friend". This time however, I'm not sure if he's really into it. Haha! Oh well... Anong book naman kaya ang babasahin nya ngayon? ;)

tanong

if you were given the chance to ask me just one question, what would that be?

come on ask me. ;)