on relationships

yah, i know. february is already eons ago and talking about relationships is something that's off the season... well, not for me.

i recently shared with some officemate-friends how Charles Ringma's book, Whispers from the Edge of Eternity has been intimately touching my life: my way of thinking, my way of living, my outlook. and one thing that struck me is his 44th entry.

you see, i used to read an entry a night during my quiet time. however, there was a month when i had to think and rethink about the message, the whole point of a single entry, for two to three days! you may think it "slow" of me but before you think further, you must understand that Ringma writes in a way that is symbolic, meditational and oftentimes contemplative. a way which not many people appreciate, others even find too deep to the point of being boring. well again, not so much for me.

most of the time, his way of writing, and way of thinking speak to me quite well. he doesn't aim to make you emotional, but he makes you reflect. he won't drive you to tears, but will lead you to think.

so what about entry number 44?

i've never seen Luke 19:1-5 in the way he saw it. for how could the story where Jesus saw Zacchaeus from the sycamore-fig tree be a passage about relationships? how could that simple order, asking the little tax collector to come down from the tree be about "being present to" (this phrase will be explained further)? yes, it did amaze me. Scripture indeed comes afresh to us every time we read it...

now, about relationships. ehehe :)

He started with "Relationships form the very fabric of our existence..." our very being is the fruit of a very intimate relationship. and this very being is shaped by both the "beauty and pain" caused by those other relationships that come along our way as we get older.

it is no doubt because of God's grace, life's miracles, that even in the unpleasant experiences of life, certain gifts emerge provided however, that we have the right attitude...

i know of people who went through lots of difficult times and ended up with new gifts. and they won't trade the lessons they learned from their experiences for anything.

relationships should be meaningful. but sadly, due to the many influences of the western world to us, we have been too programmatically and individualistically driven that even if we do things for others, we forget how to work with them. churches became "social clubs" that "reach out" through service only. (there's nothing wrong about doing service for others, don't get me wrong). they are with the people but they are not truly there.

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"to love someone is not first of all to do things for them, but to reveal to them their beauty and value". --Jean Vanier--

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meaningful relationships require a special kind of presence. the kind that is being present to. it involves much contemplation, and is not just any kind of presence. "It is the presence of love which allows us to see truly. To see truly is to see not only what is there but is so often hidden, but to see what is potentially there. Thus it is a seeing in hope. It is eschatological and visionary. It sees what will yet come to be, and calls this forward and into being."

In this sense relationships are empowering because they move us from where we are to where we can be.

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I've been thinking if there was ever an instance in my life when I have been present to. Was I ever a visionary when it came to people... in a way that is obvious to the person concerned?

I have always been protective of myself. I was friendly, I was not shy around people, BUT I seldom let them get close. I don't invest much in relationships. And I don't want to be too attached. I was afraid of getting myself in the middle of hurtful or unpleasant situations.... again.

One way of looking at it is i don't want people to have the potential to hurt me. see the emphasis on "potential"? Yeah. maybe i was/am paranoid.

that maybe is just one of the many reasons why the Lord allowed Ringma's words to speak to me. para iuntog ako, gisingin, at himuking magbago.

i'm not saying that i no longer have that fear... but i'd like to think that now that i am fully aware of it, i am now open to the idea of changing my mind, and allowing people to truly see me without the pretensions, self-protections (e.g. pagtataray), and yes, even paranoia.

Ringma, and some recent events in my life connived to do this on me. and for these, i'm thankful. and yes, if you're wondering, l'd like to have more meaningful relationships. **wink.**