i'm bad ='(

another windang day, another friday.

was moody, was bad.

was silent, then not.

now feelin bad, feelin low,

please bear with me,

i'm terribly sorry.

i don't want to write about Banaue

this is a bit late to story-tell about our staff retreat last april. all my blogger friends told you about how wonderful, how great,how exciting the retreat to Banaue has been. i don't want to write about that. alam nyo na yun eh. alam nyo na nangyari, pati kung saan kami pumunta. The PTA can already handle the promotions for Banaue at Sagada so i'll leave that to them na lang. hehe ;)

so what is this post about you wonder... well...

i want to let you in on some of my thoughts, experiences, things that i discovered about some things, or plainly the things i can allow myself to tell you about... ok ba yon? sabagay, la naman kayong magagawa. Blog ko to eh! ;) so here we go...

my bus momment. during the trip, lingid sa kaalaman ng iba, nag-momment ako. nag-emong. i was listening to this song by Cece Winans, Alabaster Box. ayoko sanang isama yun sa playlist, pero si Kyaleks [the tap dancer] ay makulit. kailangan ko daw matutunan yung song na to. Oh well... bow naman ako sa taste nya sa music chaka kanya naman yung memstick so ayun na nga po ang nangyari. Naiyak ako sa song, nabalikan ang mga eksena sa The Passion, at nainternalize ng husto ang lyrics. waaaaah! makanta ko nawa ang song na yon kahit once in my lifetime. ;)

my mountains. malapit na kami sa Banaue when i saw these mountains. shucks. may i, even for just a second claim them as mine? they are just soooo awesome! ang ganda, mga friends! taob ang "astig, panis, halimaw!" ni daph [the silent-not]. how great Thou art talaga ang song nito at ito ang epitome ng "this is my Father's world"! nanliit ako, kapatid. and i felt like "the God who created these mountains, cares for me so He created these mountains" He wants me to "experience" His greatness, His power, His beauty. I realized that indeed, God is great, and He created in me something beautiful. I am beautiful!!! (no matter what they say, words can't bring me down... hehehe)

my "try ko lang" experience. "there's no harm in trying" was never my motto in life. i take risks with a near-zero probability. minimum level of frequency. i dunno what happened, but suddenly, i wanted to try something new, something different, conquer myself kind of thing. so what's more peculiar than me doing an interpretative dance?! (uh, me being silent?) yeah, i dance... but i do streetdance! not the girlish, gracefully slow movements and turns. so i surprised myself by agreeing to join Misyel, an officemate who dances really well, but who's shy to dance alone... so with the song Man After Your Own Heart, sung by Kyaleks and Daph, we danced during the worship service. And i sung while dancin. I had mistakes with the steps choreographed by Misyel, but i didn't care! dancin for the Lord is wonderfully and joyfully great. This is another thing I'd like to do again. i enjoyed every moment, every step, every turn. I hope to dance. Again.

my "conquer yourself" experience. this is the four-hour trek to and fro Batad and Tapia falls experience. i enjoy walking, but man! walking through mountains was not my idea of a walk! hirap nun ah at nakakapagod! patience-extending experience ito mga kapatid! but the sight and the feel of the Tapia falls is worth all the pawis and taba that came out of me. isipin mo ba namang may malamig na tubig kang dadatnan pagkatapos ng isang napaka-init na lakad? haaaay. ;) napigilan ko naman ang sarili ko na umangal ng dahil sa init at pagod, sa halip ay i-appreciate and ganda ng bundok, ang huni ng ibon at kulisap, ang tunog ng tubig, ang ka-simplehan ng pamumuhay, at ang sarap ng pagiging buhay! I will survive, I will survive! hey-hey! ;)

my "conquer your fear" experience. tatalakan ko ang sarili ko ng more than two years if i didn't join the spelunking inside the cave in Sagada. that was the first time i was able to go inside a cave at ni sa hinagap ay di ko na-picture ang kagandahan sa loob ng isang kweba! feeling ko kasi dati, may mga nakatirang ermitanyo sa loob ng mga ganon. or something creepy. but because i felt that this is a once in a lifetime experience, i had to go! and i did. ;) i started to go in confidently. "kaya ko ang mga bato, kahit gano ka-laki" sabi ko sa sarili ko. pero ibang usapan na pag ang mga bato ay nasa tubig na malamig (not to mention na may parts na medyo malalim!). Salamat sa Diyos, andun si Kuya Audie to help me out, at mga friends who cheered for me during the "kahit-anong-mangyari-wag-bibitawan-ang-rope" moments. paglabas ng cave, i called out to Kuya Audie saying "Thanks, fatha" hehe may isa na naman akong ama ;) sa totoong buhay, nanginig ako at medyo nagpanic, pero feeling ko ngayon, may tapang palang nakatago sa akin dati kahit konti, not the war-freak tapang, but the kind of courage that faces fears. i'm excited to discover new things that the Lord will reveal in my life soon. Iba talaga ang creativity ni God! ;)

my "cry to the max prayer" experience with friends. on our travel back from Sagada to Banaue Hotel, nasiraan ang last na sasakyan. Sakay nito ay mga officemates namin from Cebu, with two kids, sisters ate ritchie and des, and kuya jojo and his daughter na roommie namin ni Bijoi [the engkantada]. We arrived safely sa hotel and we can't help but think of the last team's situation. We needed to lift our worries and cares to the Lord. So in our room, Gracie [aka Darnini], Daph, Bijoi, and I, lifted the situation to the Lord. We prayed and cried out to the Lord, for small miracles, for their safety and comfort, for wisdom to understand why He allowed things to happen, for His mercy, for His grace. Grabe ito! Medyo maga pa mga mata namin nung mag-dinner kami. I thank God for friends like them, friends who have compassion, friends who I know will also pray for me
and be with me in my time of need.

uhhmmmm... napahaba na ata to mashado. madami pa kong pwedeng i-share: my showbiz intriga moment, more personal stuff, but I guess these things are better left "un-talked about". baka ma-"astig, panis, halimaw" ako dito eh! ahihi. ;)

so ayun na nga.

this is not about the mountains, the Banaue Rice Terraces, the Sagada Cave, the trek nor the whole retreat experience, not even about me. This is about my God, Creator of all things bright and beautiful, the Source of all things wonderful, the Author of my life. THANK YOU LORD! ;)

corny

After more than a month of not being able to go home, I went home to Pampanga today. =)

The dogs did not bark at me, I guess they still remember me, but my mom mentioned something like "Sabi ng dad mo, natatandaan pa kaya niya itsura mo..." Oh well... Miss na nila ko, yihee. Hehehe =) When my dad arrived home sabi nya "How are you? (in a tone na sha lang ang nakakagawa) Tingnan nga kita kung ganun pa rin pagkakakilala ko sayo." I smiled with my beautiful eyes. Pa-cute! hehe =)

Di kami expressive sa family. We don't usually say "I miss you, I love you" or the likes. Di kami sweet, tulad ng ibang families. (Hello, Nez!) We have our own ways-yung di mashadong corny sa pandinig namin... BUT when suddenly you receive a text message from dad saying "Enjoy, have fun, ingat, love you.", I'll go "aaaarrggghh!" (with a weird shoulder movement) and smile then reply "thanks, ingatz, c yah, love you too." then smile again. There are things that I thank technology for talaga. ;)

Dahil sa text, natuto kaming maging "corny" and expressive (ng konti). And corny or not, ok lang. ;)

Thank God some things change. =)

REHAB... again?

I hope you still remember my friend who asked me write about his rehabilitation... Well, he needs to do another rehab. From another "friend". This time however, I'm not sure if he's really into it. Haha! Oh well... Anong book naman kaya ang babasahin nya ngayon? ;)

tanong

if you were given the chance to ask me just one question, what would that be?

come on ask me. ;)

REHAB

Rehabilitation – The act of suppressing one’s self from an addiction.
Example: Uy, pare! Musta na rehabilitation mo? (Wow, helpful ang sentence! Hehehe)

I was “asked” (read forced) by a friend to blog about his rehabilitation program. His addiction? Well, nothing serious. He is just “mildly” addicted to a “friend”. He’s texting this “friend”, thinking about this “friend”, emailing this “friend”, chatting with this “friend” and doing all means possible (hmm, a bit exaggerated ata, but you get the point, right?) of contacting this, well, again, “friend”. (Oh, my! This sure is fun! Wehehe!)

Would it be rude to drop my friend’s name, knowing that he visits this blogsite often? Would it be “unfriendly” to tell you the name of the so-called “friend” he is “addicted” to?

(sigh)

Such power! Hahaha =) Pilitin nyo ko, sasabihin ko! Hehehe =)

Controlling yourself from doing something you really, really wanna do is really, really hard. It takes mega-efforts to undo what habits you already formed in your system. I can only imagine how hard it is for him now… rehabilitating… But why in the world is he undergoing this “rehab”? Ok, I’ll tell you… (This is the part where you will hear the noticeably loud “halakhak”)

It all began with an introduction by a common friend… Then some occasional unplanned meetings, polite invitations, and…Wait! I might not be able to control myself! Baka masabi ko na taga-ganitong church yung girl, na ka-age nya, nagwo-work sa --- hehehe =) panic na sya at this point in time, so in order to make sure that I’ll be able to attend our retreat in Banaue and Sagada this weekend, I’ll keep the details to myself muna. *blink blink*

Anyways, bakit nga ba nya kailangang mag-rehab? Well, it’s because he wants to, and because he HAS to. He has to focus on what at this point in time is most important and urgent. Ayusin muna ang sariling buhay bago guluhin ang buhay ng iba, dabah? Hehehe :) And he wants to do things one step at a time, parang staircase yan eh, dabah? :)

I think that is something admirable about him. (Abah! Nagbabasa na sya ngayon ng books namin! Dapat lang unti-unti syang matuto! Hehehe) He knows na how to discipline himself, and somehow be accountable for how he feels and what the “friend” thinks and feels at the same time. Responsible citizenship? Hehehe =)

Siguro lang, I’m just happy to see him enjoying his life, doing the things he is passionate about, and well, reading our books! :) kaya kung asan ka man ngayon, know this: kahit paano, proud ako sayo. ;)