moved

yeah, yeah... I haven't been writing anything.

i moved! here.

and before you say anything, I'm still experimenting. hehe :)

see yah all there! :)

meet my dad

my dad's in maui, hawaii right now, attending the Haggai Institute Training. he just learned how to upload pictures from his new digicam, so he sent these pics as proof of this new "skill' :D

he's the one on the left, with a South Korean delegate

yes, he's the one in pink. :D

we've been exchanging emails these past days and i told my mom she should learn how to use the internet already. i also told her how i find it weird that dad and i are corresponding in English. wonder of wonders! we're 100% capampangans! hehe :) I guess location does that to you. hihihi ;)

wala lang talaga

is it too late for wish lists? :)

Top 10 Things I WANT (as of writing)
in RANDOM order (is there such a thing?)

1. a macbook pro (who doesn't lust for one?!)
2. a new cellphone (stuck with the old one till august)
3. a new cd/mp3 player (still have to check on the specs i want)
4. a day at the spa (i think i NEED this)
5. a new hairdo (or hair cut, maybe)
6. a salary raise :D (I NEED this!)
7. dinner in a fine dining resto (without spending for it haha)
8. an out of town vacation (escape! bora? hmmm...)
9. a house and lot (preparing for single life?!)
10. healing for my cousin, ate Malou (hala, serious!)


ayun. wala lang akong magawa. bow.


the Lord's answer to number 10 came last Friday. Ate Malou is now with Him, peaceful and free from all the pain brought about by cancer, and the world. We praise and thank the Lord for her life, and for the many ways she has blessed us. We will miss her, but we are happy for her. Praise God for the joy of salvation. :)

Buhay Pamilya

I don't want to be melancholic or something, but as I'm writing this, I have no idea how it will go. I'll just let my thoughts run, ideas and reminiscences come as they want, if they want to.. Well, at least you have an idea of how random or sabog my mind is when it comes to things especially family life.

*****

I don't know if it's just because I was able to spend time at home, in Pampanga, last Holy Week or something else but I believe God is cooking something for me. He's been allowing lots of things to come along my way, to break me and remold me. Family matters, et cetera.

*****

There's this blood pressure raising episode that happened between my youngest bro, Manny Boy, and my mom. I don't want to wash dirty linens in public so I'll skip the kwento. But in this eksena, it dawned on me that we, as a family, are in a way "responsible" for the way he turned out to be: a spoiled brat.

He's the most malambing of us siblings, most charming, and he has a way of being swabe in different situations. He's the bunso, and that's enough reason why there was an extra something for him when he was growing up. Extra-patience, extra-kindness, extra-provision, extra stuff. And now that he's 23, with a terrible temper, I was almost ready to give up on the hope that he will soon change and grow up.

*****

(Do I sound jealous? I’d like to think not, for I understand the situation well. But I must admit that there was a time when I wished I made more mistakes, learned from MY OWN mistakes and experiences, rather than learn from others’.)

*****

But Mom is firm. When she says NO to his requests, she stands by this decision. However, when Manny Boy pleads with Dad, it's a different story. Does this mean that in my family, the females are more stringent? Hmmm... I wonder... But I concluded that Dad loves my bro so much that he wants to give him every thing he can. You see, he understands what my bro is going through for he's been there, done that. And he's a living proof of God's grace that changes life and lifestyle. And that GOD Who did something wonderful to my Dad, is the same God that has the power to work in my brother. And I will remain hopeful. Praying and waiting for that day to come.

*****

Disappointed with Dad. Because he’s kunsintidor. But do I blame him? No. I understand him. (This is the first time, I think, that I saw a significant flaw on him. I have always looked up to my Dad…and I still do…) And there’s no room for pointing fingers. We all have our faults.

*****

And then there’s Arvin. The most tipid of the magkakapatid. He has a car na, partially paid by the parents. And I think he deserves it. He knows how to take care of stuff and save for things he wants to acquire. He’s hardworking, and responsible.

Hmmm… are you waiting for the “but”? Let me just say that he’s a work in progress. I can sense that the Lord is doing something in his life right now. And I’m excited to see how he will turn out to be a couple of years from now…

*****

And me as the sister? Well, I was the nagging sister! Feeling powerful, and authoritative. Always ready to point out mistakes, and ready to provide “the best” solutions and instructions to the siblings. I never thought that during those years, I was the kontra-bida to them…It just felt good to be always right. BUT well, we grow up, realize our mistakes, and try to be better people. Uhumm… emphasis on TRY.

*****

Hay. I should post a picture. (searching… searching…)

I can’t find one. Oh well…

heartbreak

Heartbreak. Do you remember your first heartbreak? Why in the world do you?! I mean, why would you remember when it's something really, really "heart-breaking"? What's worth remembering about it, lessons learned?

Ok, you may picture me doing the "kilay seesaw with kunot-noo" and I won't take it against you. But read on.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

It's been a long time since I last used this word. heartbreak. Quite a long time ago since I last experienced the word. heartbreak. And I'm using it again, now, because this is what's happening. Heartbreak.

Yes, my heart is breaking. Breaking for someone lost. A love unrequited. A waterfall of tears. A decision to let go and stop believing; not to trust, no, not anymore.

Suffering, grief, disappointment, anger. They all have their way of making things dark. And in the dark, when we can't see, we often choose to close our eyes. Sometimes foolishly. We succumb to the gloom and close our minds to the hope of morning.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

I don't know her that well. We barely spoke nor had a notable kwentuhan. She's five years younger, a graduating iskolar ng bayan. She supports herself. She works to study, and studies to work for a better future. She was a Sunday School teacher.

But she is busy. Too busy doing her best, working hard, relying on herself.

For He disappointed her. She needs Him but she can't see Him. She was afraid but comfort did not come. She cried but no one seemed to hear. She felt alone, and she can't afford to trust.

People disappointed her. Respected ones failed her. If they, "holy and righteous", can be like that, then what makes them different from the scum of the earth?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

There is a mother crying. Crying for a daughter lost. She blames her lack of wisdom. For it's not enough to win her "non-prodigal" child back. To convince her to return. Return to her Father.

She's shed a waterfall.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Heartbreaking. This is heartbreaking for me. And it is very real.
I fear for her future. For I know that the Father loves her and He doesn't want her down there.

And this heartbreak, unpleasant as it is, I don't wish to forget it. For it is a reminder of a responsibility and a command. One we should always keep in mind.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Matthew 28:18-20 (New International Version)


 

AFRAID

Afraid that what they think is right
Afraid that it is true
Afraid that I might feel the same
Afraid and doubtful, too.

Afraid to finally take the risk
Afraid I might be wrong
Afraid that it's not what it seems
Afraid of losing all.

Afraid of all uncertainties
Afraid of giving up;
Afraid that maybe you're the one
Afraid I've led you out.

Afraid of possibilities
And what the future brings
But fearful me wanted to be
A bird, and fly with wings

What should I do? I ask myself
I am much too afraid
And I have seen that I have been
Of many things, afraid.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~
So I'll decide, once and for all
That I will do my best
To rise up from that breaking fall
And trust God for the rest.
~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~